I [M30] feel trapped in a relationship with my wife [F34]

I feel trapped

I think I’ve made a mistake going into a relationship and I’m trying to get out.

I married a woman and moved to a different country leaving my job and few friends I had behind.

I was told I would be taken care of and I figured I could get a new job soon enough.

My wife has a very successful family, they are new money, and she works for them making anywhere from 10-20k$ a month depending on how the business does.

This is enough money to take care of us and I have been very lucky to have a year to hone my skills and look for new work.

I am aiming for a job in tech. I have a background in comp sci and felt that I could learn to code and get a remote job and we would be ok.

I have been doing well in the past year to learn but it’s been extremely hard to stay consistent.

My wife has a very hard life. She doesn’t do well with traffic, and always feels tired after work. She comes home and sleeps for 2-3 hours and then watches tv until it’s time for bed.

It was very frustrating dealing with her crankiness and constant complaining every day so I have started driving her to and from work.

I wake up at 6 am, go to the gym, come home, make breakfast, get ready for work, and then drive her in.

She got me a place to work in the city so now I work from about 11am to 3pm daily.

I know she spends a lot of money on me and I am grateful for that but I am constantly feeling like I have to devote 100% of my time to taking care of her or else.

She gets very mad very easily. Happy wife happy life so I try not to make her mad.

This means that when I get home from driving her to work I spend time with her watching TV. She needs this to feel loved and to have attention.

With all of this going on I can work for about 4 hours a day towards my goal.

That’s still a good amount of time to get work done but I keep getting tons of curve balls.

We go on vacation basically every month, sometimes long ones.

We always have things to do – and she can’t do these things alone.

It’s incredibly hard to plan my week out because I never know what I will need to do for her tomorrow.

I am not good at working without a plan or salvaging a plan that got a curveball thrown at it.

Combine all of this with her incredible spending and her views on money: all the money I will make in the future will go towards our savings and all of the money she makes will be hers to spend on vacations and shopping.

I’m not saying she doesn’t get me nice things but the thing is that I don’t care to eat a $1000 dinner at a fancy restaurant.

I want that $1000 to go towards our future and help us establish a good life.

She gives me an allowance every month but it’s for us, it’s not for me.

So when we go out to dinner and spend $400 it comes out of my allowance.

This means I don’t spend any money, constantly worried I will run out and get yelled at for spending too much this month.

Meanwhile she just spent $800 on a haircut and doesn’t even like it.

I don’t want to put up with this anymore but I still don’t have a job.

I am trying hard to gain financial freedom and trying to put on a smile in the meantime. I just hate this relationship and the way I am treated.

I may not be seeing things clearly but it feels like I am just supposed to worship her and not ask questions.

I know im not the greatest husband and I can be a pain in the ass. But I just want to be able to speak up without getting yelled at.

I can’t have any problems with her because that just makes her mad and it makes my life miserable.

Combine all of this with the fact that she says her father has a gun and would kill me and get away with it because they have money and I feel very trapped.