Exactly what the title says. Been together for 3 years. I had a huge fight with my brother at a family gathering and my gf tried to break us up. I swung for him as he broke my last nerve. Not a fist but a palm hand. And just at that moment she LITERALLY jumped between us and got caught right on the cheek by accident. I apologized proviosly and all the family members began taking sides on everything and anything. My gf began crying and ran off with me tailing her, while my brother shouted maybe even worse insults at me. My gf drove off still crying as I watched her take our car. About 5 minutes later after contemplating all of it I decided to just walk home. Took about 2 hours and it had gotten dark the last 30 minutes or so of the walk back home. Gotten almost every curse message I could think of from basically everybody but my dad and gf. Got to our house as my gf and I live together and she was crying on the couch. Broke my heart and I didn’t want to disturb her so I booked a hotel and slept there for the night. Had 5 missed calls when I woke up from her. Also more angry messages from family members especially my brother. I called her and it lasted about 5 minutes before she said she had to go and clean the house. She hung up and I have been here contemplating what to do next. Luckily I already asked for a day off work today for the family meeting because I could not have handled that right now. Feel like the biggest shit on the planet. I don’t blame you If you and everyone else is gonna berate me here as well because I know I did something unforgivable even if by accident. Any advise would be really appreciated though. Thank you for reading.
Tldr: accidentally slapped my gf.
7 comments
It sounds like she is the asshole here. Accidents happen, yes if you try to hit somebody it can happen easier than just chilling with a beer but still … she needs to calm down and see more clear the situation.
I think she needs to settle some before she is ready to talk.
Being hit by your partner is shocking, she was trying to fix the fight, and got hurt for her efforts. That you weren’t aiming for her doesn’t change the emotional reaction she felt.
Keep talking to her and ask if she wants to discuss what happened, but don’t demand to go over it right now.
You try to break up a dog fight there is a chance you’re gonna get bit. A unfortunate accident but you get in between 2 people running on anger and adrenaline, they aren’t going to be paying attention to you stepping in.
I’m sure it was upsetting to her but no one really should be surprised she got some collateral damage.
You accidentally slapped her. But you had the intention to hit *someone.* You need to look at yourself and figure out if you could have handled the fight with your brother without violence. How did it get to the point where it was so bad that someone felt the need to break it up? Your brother might be the biggest jerk in the world and say the most heinous things, but you can still keep your cool and figure out how to either maintain composure or know when it’s time to step away and put some distance between him and you before you lose that composure.
From experience, it absolutely sucks when a family member is purposefully trying to obliterate your last nerve, when they are baiting you and pushing your buttons because they are looking for that reaction. By getting violent, you are giving that person exactly what they want. They want to know that they can make you lose control. They want you to lose control so that everyone thinks you are the bad person and they can look like the victim. It’s really hard to not retaliate. But you have to learn to do step away and not give them the satisfaction of a reaction.
I think the real issue here is learning how to identity situations where you might lose your cool and figuring out how to deal with that. Show your girlfriend that you don’t want to be the kind of person you were, and reassure her that you will do your best to keep her from being the splash damage to your families fights.
Did you tell her you were getting a hotel?
Your gf is a dumbass for trying to get in between , just like girls that grab a guys arm when he’s squared off
Calling that an accident is a bit of a stretch. You may not have meant to hit your girlfriend, but it only happened because you snapped and attacked your brother. That’s still completely your fault. It’s not like you were doing some innocent activity and hit your girlfriend in a freak accident. Take some responsibility for what you did.