I feel horrible but, I just don’t think my wife is ready for another one we already have 4 daughters ( f6 f4 f4 f2) and I absolutely adore them.my wife is a stay at home mom, but as you can see are girls are very close in age, with that she had a really tough postpartum with are youngest one. She was extremely depressed and would just lay in bed and cry all day,It was so bad that I would be so paranoid at work, that I would stop by the house on my breaks to see if she is okay or I would just send the kids to my parents house. Because I wasn’t sure if the kids were getting too much for her. It was a long road for her and thankfully she got to a place where she is much happier now, but she recently dropped on me she wants to start trying for baby number 5 and try to get our boy.
My wife always gets baby fever everytime any of our kids hit a big milestone,but Personally I’m content with having no son or just not have any more kids in general , I love my daughters and I think we should stop here. But idk how to break it to her. Because I did promise her once upon time, but after what happened with her postpartum it really scared me. I thought I wasn’t gonna get my wife back.So how can I break it to her that we shouldn’t have anymore kids? Or should we compromise and just try for that 5th?
12 comments
Four is more than adequate
I’m in a very similar boat, except I am the wife. My husband is done and wants a vasectomy. Though, because I feel differently, he did agree to wait a year or so to reevaluate and/or give me time to grieve not having anymore kids. While I definitely didn’t like his answer at first, I have no choice but to respect it. I am learning to be content with our family as is, enjoy having my body to myself, and doing things that are hard to do while pregnant or with a young baby (like sleep, lol). Highly recommend ongoing discussions and coming up with a plan to avoid pregnancy if you’re certain you’re done, and just being patient and understanding because it can be an emotional thing!
I will be done with one or not even one.
IMO if one person says no, it’s a no. Having a 5th isn’t a compromise.
You just tell her. You should stress that it is in her best interest, and your existing children’s, that you don’t have anymore. Honestly, if she’s wanting to have another just because one of your other children hits a milestone, it sounds like she just wants a baby. Not a whole human to raise forever.
> should we compromise and just try for that 5th?
That isn’t a compromise
Just acknowledge you made a mistake in the past by saying you also wanted more then 4 kids
If you have a fifth and it’s a girl, she’ll know that she’s a disappointment to you by not being a boy.
Whoa. 4. I mean, if one partner says no – man or woman – then it’s no. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You have 4 kids. And she’s already struggling with ppd from the last. You’re totally valid in being done.
Doesn’t sound like you want to compromise and you shouldn’t… Sounds simple. Sounds like you don’t want a 5th. You tell her.
Her postpartum that she had with the latest baby, has a huge risk of coming back and coming back worse with another baby. I have some strong opinions here so I’ll try to just be… to the point. Once you know you suffer greatly mentally after having a child, It’s irresponsible to ignore your mental limitations when it comes to bringing another one into the world. I’m not saying no one should never have another, but a lot has to be considered here. Get out of la la, baby fever land and think reality. If her PPD is worse, more will be put on you. Can your job handle that? Did she even receive good mental health care the last time? If not, definitely think about that. What about your kids that are already there. Think about what they will witness and go through. It’s a lot. Too many people make these mistakes. Keep having kids when there were so many warning signs not to. Some of the babies are dead. Some of those women committed suicide or attempted to. I’m sorry but it’s just reality and I live in the very real world. So she kind of needs to come full circle and really think about this. I hope she does that. Hopefully she would never be the type to get pregnant behind your back either.
Was her PPD worse because your last was a girl and not a boy? If the next is a girl, will it be even worse? If she so badly wants a 5th, and a boy, why not adopt?
I had to get a permission slip from my wife before my doctor would give me a vasectomy. I kid you not.