Is dating supposed to be done before or after developing feelings?

13 comments

1. It can happen before or after dating. Hope that helps. You usually cannot predict when, or if, feelings of love will emerge

2. Sometimes it happens during, it all depends on the people involved

3. You can call someone your partner for 6 months and still not be in love with them or unsure if you’re in love with them. Dating implies you spend time together if we’re getting technical. Typically when you date someone it’s because you find them attractive in some way, but dating and actually being official are not technically the same thing.

   And this is where communication is key 🙂

   You can date people just to get to know them. It’s the best way. Of course texting is okay but actually being in person is best because you get to know their reactions, understand their sarcasm and learn about their manners. Through text, all you get is words, sometimes too many because lots of people type exactly what they’re thinking which can be good or bad, and without emotion, you may assume their attitude to be something it’s not and take something the wrong way or misunderstand.

   I think dating someone or being exclusive or being official are all acceptable but communication is what your relationship should be founded on.

4. Depending on the person.
   I believe age and upbringing also matters. Some people like to be fast and some people like to be slow and only admit dating (let alone titles like gf or bf) when they are 100% sure.
   So make sure you are both comfortable and on the same page. If not talk about it 🙂

5. The expected order is, interest/attraction, dating, minor feelings, commitment, major feelings. But you could get exposed to someone and develop strong feelings without ever having gone on a single date. Hell people date for years and never develop feelings but stay together because it works or it’s comfortable.

6. Usually before and you/the other person develops feelings during the dating stage. Maybe it’s me being somewhat old-fashioned, but isn’t the point of the first date to see if the two of you are compatible at all?

7. If it was supposed to be done after developing feelings I wouldn’t have had a date in 15 years.

8. It just depends. If you know this person then maybe you get feelings before you ask them on a date. If it’s online dating you usually go on a date first and gage from there if there’s potential for deeper feelings.

   Love happens at all different times. I have been in love 4 times in my life and each time was a totally different experience. With my most recent time, my now fiancé, I fell in love at about the 2 month mark and started saying it to him right away. We were engaged after 9 months and will be married exactly 2 years from our very first date.

9. you can do it either way, because the love you talk about, is not real and true love yet.

   it’s just our strong feelings for someone. what i mean by that is, we have strong feelings, we go out a few times. but if it ends after a few weeks, it’s not like we’ll be missing them for the rest of our lives, as if we had someone that we really spent a lot of time with and many years with (eg, my parents were married 56+ years, when my mom passed, now that’s a big hole in his life that needs to be filled. there was definitely some love there).

   so the idea that you can date before you’re really interested, or only after you’re really interested — you can do it either way.

   i’m not a guy that immediately stands out as drawing people’s attentions, but i can definitely say that I’ve won over a few women’s hearts by being the way I am — in other words, they agreed to the dates and then they really realized they liked me enough to keep on dating. for some of them, we would become bf/gf, and for others, it would sizzle due to some other mismatches.

10. Before dating you’re probably falling in love with a projection of the person. For me anyway it only serves as a hindrance as it makes me more nervous to talk to them and it makes me assume things and sets me up for disappointment. Ideally, you start developing more feelings the more you know the person.

11. Before.

    Think of dating as an interview process of sorts. Except, it’s suppose to be fun. As you spend time with someone, doing things together, learning about each other, either feelings will develop and this will hopefully lead to a relationship, or, they don’t develop and you go your separate ways.

12. I’d say both! If you have developed feelings for someone and they did too… I don’t see why you wouldn’t keep dating after that happens. Similarly, when trying to meet new people as potential romantic partners, you may feel attracted, interested or curious about them but not have any feelings for them yet (and them too!) and thus will end up dating them before said feelings happen (if at all!). Just enjoy life and people in your life that are happy to date you and you dating them!

13. Dating should be done *both* before and after you’ve fallen in love – and should continue throughout the entire lifespan of the relationship. Never stop dating.