My girlfriend (27f) went out with my sister to a club last night. I (24m) stayed behind cuz that’s not really my scene. She was texting me telling me she made friends with some guys smoking cigarettes. This immediately weirded me out a bit cuz I was just thinking “why are you even talking to other men? You get upset of even the thought of me socializing with another girl” I brushed it off as my sister just being a social butterfly. Then they bought my sister and girlfriend drinks, and my girlfriend accepted the drink and continued to hang out with him. This made me a little upset. I text her back telling her not to accept drinks from other dudes. She says it’s not a big deal and he was just being nice. He just was talking to them and asked them if they wanted to go to the bar with him to buy them a drink. I ask her if she’d be okay if I was buying other girls drinks. She said that’s different and I said I didn’t think it was. I just got upset and went to bed Ignoring the rest of her texts.
TLDR: Is it normal for women in relationships to accept other men to buy them drinks? Like I get free is free, but it’s almost never “just a drink”
Edit: added a little context
18 comments
Personally, yes, I would. But I’m also not a hypocrite that would be mad if a woman bought my boyfriend drinks.
You and your girlfriend both need to work through your insecurities. Neither of you should have issues with the other person socializing with the opposite gender.
Never been in the situation. But I imagine if it was bought and brought to me I’d feel rude to reject (unless it was them that brought it, only accepted from staff). But make it clear that was it and have mentioned my partner.
>but it’s almost never “just a drink”
It doesn’t matter what they intend so long as she makes it clear and stays safe. She was talking with you and being open about it.
>You get upset of even the thought of me socializing with another girl
The onesidedness is more your issue
As a women, I wouldn’t let someone buy me a drink while I had a boyfriend, and I would never accept a drink that I did not see the bartender make single or not (cause that’s just dangerous).
I’m not sure how it worked out if the drinks were already made or if they asked to buy them or not, but that should defiantly be factored in. She may have just been too nice and didn’t want to deny a drink that was already made.
What matters most in this situation is that she told the guys that she was in a relationship, and unavailable. As long as she did that then all else comes secondary, and could just be her being shy, and or wanting a free drink.
I personally don’t think it should be a big deal unless she was flirting or alluding that she was single.
I think this comes down to you not trusting your girlfriend. Like, do you think she’s going to sleep w a dude because he bought her a drink?
Anytime a group of girls are out with no men around them, you should expect they will get attention from other guys, especially at a bar. She likely wasnt interested or care to be interested in any of those men. I am a male, so it is not often I am offered a free drink, but if I was I would more than likely accept if for the simple fact that its a free drink that I dont have to pay for.
Yes I would. If they asked me first and the bartender handed it to me I would drink it. I would make it clear that I am in a relationship and that the drink was a gift and not something that obligated me to them at all. So long as everyone knows what is going on, I don’t see a problem with it.
Unlike most of the commenters here, I don’t accept drinks from people who don’t ask first. I think that might be an abnormal or seem like an arbitrary boundary, but buying drinks without asking first feels manipulative to me.
Nope, but then again unless I was with my sister in law and a restaurant type bar I wouldn’t be out without my husband.
Maybe in your early 20s there’s more of an expectation that if a man buys a woman a drink, he’s flirting. But in my experience, especially as I’ve gotten older, I haven’t found that to the the case all the time. I’ve absolutely gone out to bars and had drinks bought for me by people I end up chatting with where there’s no flirting or anything going on. Sometimes I’ve even told men literally “If you really want to buy me a drink that’s fine, but I’m not interested in anything beyond one conversation” and they’ll still treat me anyway. Trust me, it’s really easy to tell if a man is offering to buy me a drink in a flirty way or a friendly way. I don’t smoke but I’ve also found friendly drinks to be much more common when I hang out with my friend who smokes; the smokers all gather outdoors where it’s quiet enough to talk and just chat away making friends.
The double standard you’re seeing here is because *you* equate buying a drink for a woman as always flirting and your girlfriend doesn’t. So she’d be upset if you bought another girl a drink because she knows *you* think it’s always flirty. She can judge for herself if a drink she’s offered is intended as flirty or friendly, and she doesn’t see a problem with accepting a friendly one.
At first, I’m like no, it’s not a big deal.
Then I think of my husband buying a woman drinks and it doesn’t sit right with me, so I would say no, I would not let another man buy me drinks out of respect for my husband.
If a man is buying a group of people drinks, then sure.
Everyone knows what a man buying a girl a drink at a bar/club means. No man on earth ever in history does it to be nice or make friends or to have a conversation.
Its not about that your GF will have sex with the first guy buying her drinks but about respect for you and the relationship.
The hypocrisy of some of the comments baffles me.
The only thing that save’s the day is that she was with your sister. But you should wonder if she’d do that with her friends.
It’s not okay that she doesn’t accept the same behavior from you.
Minor comment, be a good sport next time and go with your sister and gf.
I wouldn’t accept. Simply because men scare me and I don’t want to feel like I owe them anything. Lord knows if I’m at a bar with my girlfriends, the last thing I want to do it talk to a man I’ve never met. “No thanks, I’m married and enjoying spending the evening with my sister in law”
Personally as a man I don’t care if a guy buys my girlfriend drinks it saves her money and she’s coming home to me anyway
With that being said I completely understand if it isn’t something you’re comfortable especially with her hypocrisy
I’m a married lesbian and I let men buy me drinks lol. This is very normal.
What the hell is she doing accepting drinks from strangers? Oh wait, she made friends with them so no chance of something being slipped in the drink. Did she at least watch the drink being made and get it directly handed to her from the bartender?
FUCK no
I wouldn’t go alone
I am too old for that shit but when I was younger, no I would not.
Yes, because I like not paying for my own drinks.
But also I’m not so jealous I can’t handle my boyfriend talking to women. Is the drink the real issue here or is it the double standard?