Tldr; I’ve been getting closer to my lover since July and I think I’ve really fallen for him. I’ve also had a surprise pregnancy which has came as a bit of a shock.

I’m on birth control and use a condom with both my husband and my lover so it’s a bit of a shock that I’ve gotten pregnant if I’m honest. The reason I think my lover is the father is that the condom broke and because I usually keep track of our meet-ups it was 2 weeks after my last period so there’s a chance if I had ovulated early because my period app says I ovulate a little bit after 2 weeks. Though there is still a chance the baby is my husbands because condoms aren’t 100% reliable.

I’ve spoken to my lover about this and he’s told me that he wants to be there for them even if he isn’t the father which I was a little bit shocked by and he told me he loved me which also took me by surprise. He’s said that he wants to look after us both.

I’d have to give up a lot if I went with him as I’m already married and even though I don’t love my husband I do feel bad about the whole situation and wish I’d went about things differently and cut things off as soon as the feelings for my lover came. I didn’t though because my husband has provided me with a picture perfect life and everything has been very picture perfect and if I stay with him I will be able to be a stay at home mum and my future kids will have a lot more opportunities. My lover is poor and I would have to get a job and wouldn’t be able to be there for my kids and I would have to send them to daycare which I would hate to do. My lover says he might be able to switch onto a night shift for more money and he will also be able to be there in the day too if I get a job so they won’t end up being sent to daycare. I don’t know it would be a struggle.

I also don’t know how I will handle the stigma of it if I decide to be with my lover. I don’t know what to do pr how to go about everything?

14 comments

  1. I’m assuming your husband has no idea of the lover? Which means of course you’re having an affair. You tell your husband and come clean

  2. Your cheating on your husband with another man, admitting you don’t love him and your just with him as a gold digger so that he can allow you to sit on your ass at home while he earns the money to keep you cheating. And you think that this isn’t going to come out. The minute he realises your a scumbag cheater he will hopefully kick your ass to the curb and leave you with nothing. Take your lover up on his offer. Leave that poor guy to find someone better who can love him and work on being a better person cause right now your a really shitty one and the kid deserves better

  3. Lover? Very classy way of referring to the guy who rails you in an Arby’s parking lot.

  4. Damn, hopefully your husband lets you go and finds someone who appreciates him and actually cares about him. You do what you want, I’m rooting for him here.

  5. Bro you are the worst type of, I honestly can’t find the correct words for you. You disgust me.

  6. Leave your husband and go with your so called lover. Your husband deserves much better

  8. Now start acting like a grown up, divorce your husband, give him a chance to be happy with someone who deserves him. And run to your “lover”. Dont worry about the stigma, its karma you should be worried about.

  9. Regardless of if you got pregnant or if you were considering leaving your husband, you should tell him as soon as possible about the full extent of the cheating. The point of being married is that committing to each other affords you each the stability to make big choices in life and by keeping him in the dark you’re really seriously undermining that. Even if you know you want to split or to stay, he really needs to know sooner rather than later so he can make choices about his own life.

    > everything has been very picture perfect

    I hope you were misspeaking here, but it sounds like you’re lying to yourself if you think a world where you’re cheating on your husband and maybe having another man’s baby is a “picture perfect” life. It stopped being picture perfect long ago when you made the choices that you did. Realistically, there probably isn’t much coming back from that.

  10. So you want to leave your husband but don’t want to lose the lifestyle he provides? I’d suggest you tell your husband about the lover, that he’s just your ATM, and if he has any self respect, he’ll make the right choices for him.

  11. Yeah, everyone, OP sucks, but don’t forget that dear Hubby got down on one knee and proposed to this woman.

    “He deserves better.”

    Does he, though? Why did he make the choices he did, then? As they would say in the AmITheAsshole sub, Everyone Sucks Here.

  14. Ah, I remember you posting before. I think a slight variation in the story but the poor lover and pregnancy and all the “how rude” is the same.

    Bored tonight?

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