What do you do to make communication clear with you SO?

12 comments

1. Listen carefully. If I don’t get something or think it’s negative I’ll ask before I react.

2. If it’s something important we need to really discuss I up my phone away & ask him to put his phone away. Then we discuss. Listening is also usually much harder then talking (at least for me) so making sure I’m not speaking over him and I’m not distracted by things around me.

3. Ask for clarification if I am confused or instantly reacting in a negative manner.

4. I’m lucky enough to have a partner with good communication skills, maybe even slightly better than mine.

   My problem is I get too emotional when I try to convey how I feel, so sometimes I struggle.

   I just do my best to listen, be honest and open with him.

5. Assuming I am the one trying to communicate something:

   1. Know clearly what I’m trying to communicate
   2. Use very clear words and phrases to convey what I intend
   3. My partner then mirrors back what I’m trying to communicate to them in their own words to confirm that it’s understood
   4. Listen to any additional follow up from my partner and consider it carefully
   5. Mirror back to them in my own words for confirmation
   5. Discuss more as needed to understand each other
   5. Confirm/reconfirm mutual understanding

6. If it’s something serious we need to discuss then we turn off the TV or anything else that creates background noise.

7. My husband and I struggle on the weekends because we both have stuff we want to get done. I would tell my husband what I wanted done (stuff I needed to do, stuff I wanted him to do, and stuff we needed to do together). But he wouldn’t share is plans until he would get angry that there wasn’t time to do his things and then I would get upset that stuff I felt needed to get done wasn’t going to get done.

   My therapist suggested we make an effort to fully talk about all our plans. I downloaded my to do app onto his phone so he could also have a list of stuff he needed to get done overall. He added 45 things to the list. It’s been several weeks and nothing has been done, but it has potential lol. Edit: he did a few of them but never checked them off. Typical lol

   It’s been working better than before. Since I know what he wants, I can adjust my expectations and do some of the stuff myself. Because at the end of the day, I just don’t want to be the one cleaning all weekend as he watches TV.

8. This applies to my communication style with everyone, not just my SO. I say what I mean and take everything other people say at face value too. It’s not my job to try and intuit ✨ secret meanings ✨, so if someone can’t or won’t say what they actually mean, it’s on them and not me for any misunderstandings.

   I also don’t try and read minds nor do I expect anyone else to read mine. If something is left unsaid, it didn’t happen because once again I don’t have time or energy to play those bullshit games.

   Tldr: clear, open, and honest (never cruel, rude, “I just tell it how it is” nonsense) communication. Life is so much easier when people operate this way. It cuts down on my anxiety so much. Reduces issues due to mismatched or unrealistic expectations. Highly recommend.

9. We actually sit down in the couch and talk. Not over the phone or text not when one is doing something. We carve out time to talk and go over anything that needs to be discussed.

10. He’s excellent with communication and conveying his intent. I’m the one who needs work, but when I do feel the need to make it clear, I make sure there’s eye contact. That man will give you his unyielding attention if he’s locked onto your eyes.

11. Knowing when words are being said but not recieved I stop talking.

12. Im in an intercultural relationship so communication is even more important because pf the many misunderstanding that can arise from different reference frames and taking things for granted while the other has no idea.
    -if you get angry or sad, don’t assume intent and just say how it makes you feel . Not you did… but I feel like. Very often it can be a simple misunderstanding about having a harsh tone because you were actually irritated at work.
    – when in doubt, reformulate and ask for confirmation « so if I understand you well, you mean… » then they can adjust or confirm.
    – don’t stew in your emotions, just tell your partner when something bothers you, they can’t read your mind. Say it in a calm way and if you are in a crisis take a step back before talking.
    -be ready to accept your responsibility in issues and actually change things you agree to. If you always deny and say that you won’t do X and still do it, it may lead to less communication and resentment.