My (35f) husband (40m) and I have been arguing over our last names and want honest outside opinions

Context: We live in an area where certain last names carry connotations with them. My maiden name is one of the weightiest, my husband’s last name has zero connotations with it. Before we were married I argued and fought with him to either take my last name or hyphenate his name because rather than move away as originally planned he oped to stay in the area and raise a family and I told him if we were going to do that taking my name would make our lives and the lives of our children easier. He refused. That was the hill he was willing to die on. So finally I threw my hands up and said fine, figuring that eventually he would see. 10 years later, we own our own home and it needs some serious foundation work done. I have called every masoner and contractor in the area and been turned away. In a last ditch effort I called the company named after my maiden name. When they asked for my name, I gave my maiden name with my husband standing right there watching on speaker phone only for them to say “we normally don’t do residential but because you’re a XYZ we’ll come take a look at it and give you an estimate.” I hung up and just gave my husband a look. Needless to say we are getting our foundation fixed but it has now led into a conversation of me asking my husband if he is now finally, after 10 years of marriage, willing to hyphenate our last names to make our lives and the lives of our children easier.

My husband says no. That when we got married he said he wanted me to take his last name and wanted our children to have his last name and I agreed to it. That I’m putting more weight and credit into my maiden name and shitting all over his. That if I want to change my name back he’s fine with it but he refuses to even compromise and hyphenate his name because he only knows of one other person who took their wife’s name. It was my cousin’s husband and HE is reaping the benefits of it because he is working for that company. That he hates my maiden name because it’s German but he isn’t German at all.

I told him that yes when we got married I agreed because at the time it wasn’t worth fighting over but I knew eventually there would come a time where he would see what I had been talking about for years. That no, I’m not shitting on his last name it’s just that in this area his last name has literally no connotations where my maiden name does and therefore has a small bit of weight. I don’t like that it is that way but if we are going to live our lives here use what you have. He may not be of German descent, but I am, and so are our children and honestly that’s what this whole name thing has always been about, our children. Not him and not me, it’s been about making it easier on them and them finding work and building up money for their futures when they get older because honestly around here other than Walmart, that company is the biggest employer in the area.

He says he doesn’t want to go through all the trouble of changing our last names and then we end up moving because what’s the point. I told him I’m operating under the assumption we’re going to be spending the rest of our lives and most of our children’s lives here. He says he doesn’t want to have the same last name as my dad and grandfather. Fair enough they are racist. But I fired back that I don’t exactly enjoy sharing his father’s last name either and I’ve never met the man because he was so abusive my own husband refuses to have any contact of any kind with him or even let our children know he’s even still alive. He said he’s had his last name his whole life. I said I had my maiden name my whole life too until he insisted I HAD to change it for marriage because it was “tradition” and asked if he REALLY wanted to stick to that misogynistic argument now because I had words about that now that we had a daughter and he back pedaled and said “no, our daughter is already losing enough of her rights the way it is.” So, we are at a standstill and asking strangers on Reddit. He thinks I’m being ridiculous and putting too much emphasis on my maiden name. I think he’s being stubborn and making our children’s lives harder than they have to be for the area we live in.