Every time we’re out, I feel like i’m doing something wrong. I look at my friends facial expressions and feel like they’re annoyed of me and just hang out with me because they don’t want me to feel left out or they don’t know how to cut me off. I am extremely tired of feeling like I am a blacksheep of my friend group. I know that not everyone thinks the same and that is why I hope someone can give me tips on how to stop overthinking and giving myself anxiety over this. There is always something at the back of my mind that tells me, I am hanging out with them just so they can humiliate me indirectly.
Feeling so guilty after hanging out with them makes me not want to hang out with them anymore but I love them and grateful they’re apart of my life. I am tired of feeling like I always have to be embarrassed of myself and can’t be my true authentic self without the thought of being judged by my loved ones.
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Assuming there they haven’t done anything to warrant those feelings, I’m going to take a page out of OCD treatment and introduce you to Exposure and Response Prevention therapy (ERP). When you know you have the will and energy to do it, acknowledge your anxiety and focus on it until your mind starts to get desensitized to it. Don’t try to soothe yourself in any way, such as deep breathing, telling yourself that they actually aren’t against you, or trying to push those thoughts away, as it’ll only make those thoughts come back stronger than before. Doing this repeatedly will eventually make it so when you have those thoughts and acknowledge that you’re feeling that anxiety, it’ll go away pretty quickly.
Not saying you have OCD, how you phrased it just brought it to mind as I have it. I think that it’s beneficial even if you don’t.
For a more detailed explanation, check:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/ROCD/comments/m3efa0/the_basis_of_ocd_healing_and_prerequisite_for_erp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/ROCD/comments/m3efa0/the_basis_of_ocd_healing_and_prerequisite_for_erp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
But as it does sound like you have reason to believe they’re against you, I’ll leave that to someone else to explain.