Hi everyone. To start off, I have known my friend for about 8 years now. We have always been very close and got along really well all the time. Our friendship is rock solid. I easily get bored of most people, but I still haven’t with him after all this time. What is very important to mention, we live far away from each other and we have never met in person. We do plenty of voice and video calls. Over time, I have started developing sexual attraction to him and the first time I brought it up was in 2019. Up until that point, being teens, the topic of sex inevitably came up and he did feel some attraction for me for a long time before I ever did. Over time, the attraction only became stronger and in 2021, I brought it up again. He still felt the same about me, it seems. We had some very long beautiful nights talking to each other. I must admit that in the beginning, I wasn’t totally comfortable with how I felt, because it felt in the beginning that for me, having sex with someone is dirty, unfulfilling and very animal like. That has changed over the course of the next months, though. He helped me with overcoming some important issues I was dealing with and I realized I am in love with this guy. It was for the first time when idea of having sex didn’t feel meaningless, but is actually extremely pleasant and fulfilling. As if it’s one of the best ways to show him my appreciation for who he is in my life. We are still very good friends and talk almost daily. The intensity of those feelings I had diminshed in time, but the sexual attraction is pretty much there. I think it would be fun to explore that with him. Even though given our current circumstances, a relationship is out of the question.
Now to the confusing part. He always said how much he appreciates me, how I am his best friend and he wouldn’t take a second chance at redoing his life because he would lose me. He also says he feels attracted to me and he almost worships me, according to his words. He says the idea of having sex with me is pleasant, but it’s an unnecessary act, while it wasnt this way before for him. I was jokingly trying to tease him at some point and he told that would be torture to him, because he would give in to how he feels and he would be very indecent. I don’t get what his issue is with all this. Personally, if I want to do something, I will go after it. So of course, I am extremely confused. I would be content with the idea that he doesn’t like me in that sense and that’s easy to accept for me, but it seems it’s not that. He keeps saying that I am very attractive and smart and sexy and sends me all kinds of compliments.He also said he’s not interested in the idea of having sex with anyone, just like he dislikes the idea people have to sleep or eat to survive… But he also says how he would learn to cook just for me. I feel bullshitted, to be honest. And I feel that I have to move on from this. Is it even worth insisting on discussing this topic with him again? I feel tht the best thing would be to tell him to cut the ‘you’re sexy and attractive’ stuff if he wouldn’t act upon it.