The sex is good when we have it, but we’re both so tired and stressed from work/life that it doesn’t happen often. We both recently started a fitness/diet routine but it is making us more tired in the short term.

5 comments

  1. Life can be exhausting at times so just have to take advantage of time when you have it. You don’t always have the time for energy for hours of sex at one time so if you only have 15 mins for a “quickie” then you sneak it in. When you have more time make it about the quality of the sex. Sometimes quality can cover come quantity until things get back to “normal”. What is “normal” changes over time thru stages of life and length marriage.

  2. Congratulations on taking charge of your health and starting to exercise. You are feeling tired because you are out of shape and this is normal. It is best to work your way up slowly in whatever exercises you are doing such as weightlifting. You do not want to injure yourself or burn out when you are just starting. You will start to feel more energy and increase in libido as you start to get in better shape. Exercise is great for relieving stress and clearing your mind. The best thing to do in the relationship is keep dating. Act like a horny teenager. Whisper in her ear what she does to you and what you are going to do to her that night. Buy flowers for no reason from the grocery store so they are not as expensive. Things like this will keep the spark alive and lead to something more even though you may be tired.

  3. For the record, 50% of the reason I do cardio is so the bedroom is more fun.

    For us, less focus on sex and more focus on play time actually led to more sex. Play time can be as little as a naked snuggle. There are no rules and no expectations. Play time can also be very one sidded. If one of you really needs to get off and the other isn’t in the mood, there are a lot of non PIV ways to address that. Experiment and have fun.

  4. Sex doesn’t always have to happen at bedtime. My wife and I found out that at bedtime we were mostly wiped out and tired. So we started doing it mostly in the afternoon. Right after work. Or a “lunch” break during work. (I work from home)
    We have a lot more sex now since we started doing that.

  5. Married 15 years, last 18mo had been the best sex life of the whole marriage. Prior to this, it was once a month if I was lucky. No hard feelings, everything was good otherwise, she just had low sex drive. Whadda ya gonna do, I love her? Just beat my dick like it owes me money.

    A while back, she took an edible when we had a weekend away at a hotel. Something in there made the change, she started to explore her body and really focus on the pleasure of it all rather than the act, the mechanics. Another factor in that particular incident was that I also took an edible for the first time, turns out it makes me completely immobile for several hours. The result is someone who is relaxed, open, and willing, with no other choice but to engage with her own body. No one else was going to do it for her (no matter how much I wanted to)

    Started opening up about her thoughts, turn ons, fantasies, etc. Stuff i had tried to ask about many times but got shut down, now she was ready to talk. She was ready to try new things.

    Ultimately, the edible wasn’t the thing, it was just the vehicle to get to more openness. To talk more and be honest with each other. Communicating, being vulnerable, taking risks (within reason). Now we are typically once or twice a week. We’ve talked about all kinds of stuff, dirty text, tease, generally act like most people do in their teens and 20s.

    I guess my point is that communication and willingness to try things is what changed it all for us. And that had to be in the context of complete and total trust, which apparently took almost 2 decades to build in our case (married+dating). You may think you’ve been vulnerable, but you’ve never been as vulnerable as looking at the woman you love and telling her that you, a person who is by all accounts as cis, straight, and traditional as can be, is interested in butt/prostate stuff and might even be open to pegging. If that lands bad, there’s no going back. Nothing will ever be the same. In the flip side, nothing I have ever experienced is as intimate or powerful as those moments of connection and trust.

    Time is def a factor, but not much changed for us even as the kids got older and more self sufficient.

    Dunno, that is my experience and that’s what it took away from it. Ymmv.

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