I 24f have been married to my husband for almost a year. We were all at my sisters 21st birthday two nights ago. Everyone was drunk, some doing random drugs(coke, pot, I think shrooms were there. I’m not exactly sure because some people brought their own), I know my husband had smoked some pot, and was super drunk. My sister as well. I was sober, I recently found out I was pregnant so I just stayed in the house except for cake and gifts. (everyone was in the backyard)
After food was exchanged I was outside eating and couldn’t find my sister or my husband. I went looking and found them in a room together in bed. They were just kissing, fully clothed. But I started shouting. They started freaking out and I left, leaving my husband there. He got dropped off at home about 15 minutes later, and passed out. I had already started packing my stuff by morning and my husband acted confused but I knew it was BS. He said he must’ve gotten confused and thought it was me, he was really drunk and admitted to taking a tab of acid.
Though my sister and I do look very similar, I was in no mood to hear. I left for my moms and I have been there since. My sister hasn’t texted me at all or reached out. My husband has been spamming me with apologies and even brought flowers and my favorite breakfast to my moms doorstep. I’m having a baby with this man. I’m at a loss. Advice?
32 comments
1. Sorry you’re going through this.
2. That excuse is hilariously terrible.
3. I seriously can’t believe your sister hasn’t reached out. Wow.
You’re married to a man who does drugs and gets wasted, and you’re surprised at his bad decisions and shitty behavior? And you’re having a child with this loser? I’m not saying this is your fault, but you shouldn’t be shocked when he’s not such a great dad either.
Your husband is a pathetic loser and your sister is a homewrecker. I would get a divorce and consider an a abortion if it’s not too late.
Ugh, this guy doesn’t seem to be husband material let alone daddy material, drugs, getting drunk, screwing his SIL, no thanks, to the curb he goes.
Divorce.
Even if they were both out of their minds (and that you considered it a valid excuse), you caught them, that image is not going to go away.
They have ruined your marriage, ruined your child’s future, and destroyed your family.
And the reason why your sister hasn’t reached out is that she knows that it wasn’t because they were out of their minds, it was because they decided to do it, they probably have been flirting with the idea for a while (if it is the first time)
You should keep your distance and find out if this has been going on longer than that one night. You should also be tested for STIs and if your sister has a partner, let them know.
That your husband would cheat with your sister should be a warning that he may have done this before, with her or other people. You have to make absolutely sure he understands that only complete honesty is his only hope of reconciliation. Your trust is gone and one more lie will be the last of your marriage.
That’s if you want to reconcile or not but you need all of the truth to understand all of your options.
Don’t write this off as a drug-addled mistake. This was a choice followed by a decision, for both of them. Wishing you all the best with these disgusting backstabbing POS.
Get your mother on your side against your husband and your sister.
Unpopular opinion coming…
You were at a party, drugs were being used and you seriously expected everyone to act normal and sensible? That is very naive.
He was drunk and high. He could have been kissing an elephant and not realised….
I think, considering the circumstances that you both chose to put yourself in, that you are over reacting. You mighten like the consequences of your choice but it was your choice.
Hopefully you both grow up before your child is born.
God, your sister and husband are absolutely disgusting. Sorry you’re going through this. I would leave him and be done with the sister.
Obviously he is full of shit, how do you know this hasn’t happened before?
Never trus him nor your sister again, get out of this relationship as soon as you can.
I mean…
even if he *was* confused and thought it was you (yeah, right….)
I wouldn’t want to be with someone whose idea of a good time is to get so incredibly intoxicated on alcohol and illegal substances that they can’t tell what’s reality anymore in the first place.
Also your child probably deserves to be raised by someone who doesn’t do those things/not raised around someone who does. (Because let’s be honest, no one with that level or responsibility is actually *raising* kids, they’re just… around.)
SMH, don’t do drugs, kids.
Your husband is irresponsible. If he can’t keep his head on after he drinks then he shouldn’t be
I hate to say this but i would be seriously think about if I wanted to carry this baby to term – I would really think about if i wanted my life all twisted up with this shit. You are still
so young and can walk away from
him and your shitty sister . Drugs and alcohol? He sounds like fabulous father material. Or you could keep the baby and file for divorce too
Jeez. If he’s that stupid on acid, don’t take acid. Particularly when you’ve got a pregnant wife to take care of. My husband barely drank through my pregnancy because he was always aware he may need to take care of me.
If you can’t trust him to be a responsible husband how can you trust him to take care of you or your baby.
Sister hasn’t reached out because she knew what she was doing. & probably told your husband to do damage control so they can keep doing it.
Wow these comments are JUDGY and harsh. Ok so point one; everyone but you was drunk, stoned and more out of their minds. You said your sister looks a lot like you which fairly, could add to some confusion. And you said they were both fully dressed and only kissing, which your husband says he doesn’t remember.
Here’s my questions for you to ask yourself:
1) Is this (drinking/drugs) common behavior and will it be a continued problem?
2) Have you any reason to suspect hubby and sis have/would be shady otherwise?
3) In no way your fault but have you considered that pregnancy (not sure how far along you are) and hormones might be an added factor to how this is affecting you? (Just a consideration)
My take on things:
Honestly, I know alcohol alone can cause people to do DUMB things they wouldn’t normally do and I myself have blacked out a couple of times in my 40 years of life. Add drugs, even just weed, to that and it can be a detrimental combo depending on the person/people involved. So unless the drinking/drugs are commonplace with hubby (possibly a red flag itself depending on how common) or if hubs and sis have been inappropriate in the past or both; this might be a one-off and not worth ending the marriage over? I would never promote tolerance of cheating but this sounds like it could even be something to laugh at later? Even if not, talk it out. You did make vows and are having a kid by him soon. He’ll be around (likely) for the next 18 years one way or another.
Your sister hasn’t reached out because he is talking out his arse,
They knew what they was doing and this probably isn’t the first time.
This sort of betrayal from 2 people closest to you is hard to get over.
And I’d never be able to get passed it at all, I think there more to this story and they have been sleeping together a while.
Text him say stop texting calling, we are over, and as soon as possible I will be filling and you and my sister can go on pretending that this hasn’t happened before,
And you are now block until baby is born, any updated needed I’ll have my mom inform you.
Then block him, you know you can never take him back, and I don’t believe for one second this was the first time.
I’d even trip him up and catch him in a lie, telling him I’ve booked a Polygraph test for you for next week,
And when it comes back clean then we can talk, I will be asking have you and my sister ever been intimate behind my back, and did you really think it was me you was kissing, and have you been intimate when anyone else since we got together.
Watch him fold like a stack of cards and tell on himself.
They been sleeping together 🤦🏻♀️ it’s crazy obvious, otherwise she would be begging for forgiveness saying she was high yada yada but she knows.
Also something to think about is if you want to carry this baby to term and have it with a lying POS.
The telling point has to be that your sister hasn’t reached out yet. She is the only one who can tell you whether he’s telling the truth because she sure as he’ll wasn’t thinking she was you and if she wants him for herself she has a vested interest in you separating. She may even have made out that she was you. It’s a shitty deal and I don’t know how you sort it other than you and your mom forcing it out of her. Even then you need to make him take counselling about the drug use if it gets him that far out of his head.
Two things really stand out to me…They did this in a situation where they could rather easily be caught. And your sister hasn’t even reached out to you.
I just…Have a gut feeling that this absolutely was not the first time that something happened between them.
Many years ago I actually accidentally kissed the wrong girl, she looked a lot like my girlfriend and I was absolutely hammered. It’s not impossible, but improbable. But that doesn’t change the fact that your sister sounds a lil biatch.
Damnnn it’s strange like it’s almost like it’s a bad idea to gettting blackout drunk and do a bunch of drugs when you have a family. I want to feel sorry for you but you kind of made your bed with this one.
So I’m just gonna add this pot will not distort once face so much you don’t know who they are, unless it’s laced with some bad s*^t. Then you are going to the hospital. If he took a hit of Acid there is no way he’d be apologetic immediately and to go home right after. He’s lying right to your face! And for your sister she is a huge POS. I’m so sorry this is handed to you. And you have a baby on the way. Cry, scream and be angry…but your road is gonna be awful hard. Whether you forgive him or not that’s up to you. But if you do I’d leave town so quick and not look back for awhile.
Honestly, depending on the drugs, he might not have known the difference if you two look anything alike. The real issue is he let his judgment be clouded so much that he couldn’t realize the difference. Or he is lying about it, and that’s another whole issue..
Divorce straight up.
Even if nothing happened that time it doesn’t meant that they’ve not done it before. If anything the drugs just made it so that they exposed that behaviour in front of you. You can never trust either of them again.
Your sister has committed the worst of all betrayals and you’ll be well within your right to never speak to her again.
The next question really is if you want to have this guy’s kid, you’re gonna have to get test for STI’s anyways. If you have a kid and they decide to get together that’s going to make your family dynamic incredibly difficult. Doesn’t seem worth it really.
*Are you* having a baby with this man? Are you sure you want to be tied to him for the rest of your life?
Like everyone else said, your sister being silent is extraordinarily telling. If this was truly a mistake she’d be trying to talk to you too
This doesn’t come out of nowhere. There were many steps along the way that they could have avoided.
The fact that your sister hasn’t reached out at all is concerning. Is she silent out of guilt because she knew exactly what she was doing? Or is she silent out of shame?
The pot and the alcohol don’t absolve them. How many other people were there that night high and drunk who didn’t try to get your husband and sister into bed.
No. Forgiveness would be a very long term process for both of the,, and I’d need them to show actual remorse, and be honest with me about how long anything had been going on, before I would even consider it.
He has no excuse. & The fact your sister hasn’t reached out… red flag. I mean, your husband is shitty, but he is trying to apologize. Your sister is either happy this happened or might have been planning it. Cuz if she reached out & apologized, it would mean she (may be) remorseful. But the fact she hasn’t means she has zero remorse. Cuz I highly doubt it’s cuz she’s scared.
The fact that your sister didn’t reach out says a lot about the situation. Is she sitting at home with a smug look on her face because she was hoping to ruin your marriage and slide into your place?
Acid parties get weird. As long as he promises to never go to an acid party again, only you can decide. Until you decide, don’t tell anyone what happened because then you can’t put the genie back in the bottle.
They found each other … while you were at the same function.
They went into a bedroom together … knowing you were at the house.
They laid down on the bed and started sexual activity …. Without a care in the world that you were there.
If they do all that with you a few steps away, how can you be assured they haven’t done even more when you aren’t present?
Don’t fall for his gifts. He’s not a faithful man.
Divorce & Abortion. You’re young, don’t be tied down to the worthless sack of shit your husband is.
The excuse will be the drugs.
Your response, should you wish to reconcile, will be mandatory sobriety. If he can’t be trusted when high then he doesn’t get high.