His father passed away Monday. When he told me it was via text I said “I am here if you need anything. I love you.” The next day I said ” My condolences to your family as well, I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” I did not say anything Wednesday. Late last night (Thursday) I texted him and said “how are you today?” . And “I’m just thinking about you… I hope you’re getting rest and eating alright. Goodnight”
He fid not reply from my texts lastnight. I’m thinking now how dumb it was what I said last night and now I’m just anxious. .
I’ve lost our daughter as a still birth in June…. never a parent.
So I just feel lost because we are texting only and not seeing one another right now after an argument 2 weeks ago and just been working on our relationship since we kind of fell apart after our daughters death. and just don’t know if I said something wrong…
I just wish I could physically be there for him but we aren’t that great atm.
Tdlr; boyfriends father passed away and I may have said something wrong.
13 comments
You’re fine. Is he responding?
I think you should just give him space and let him reach out when and if he feels ready. When going through something like this, working on a relationship may not be at the top of his priority list and is instead focusing on his mom/siblings/other family members instead and grieving how he needs to.
I don’t think you said anything wrong. He’s probably just busy with family, funeral planning, estate issues, and just outright overwhelmed.
He is going through a lot right now. Emotionally and perhaps even with trying to help wrap any financial things up, organize service, tend to other grieving family, etc. It’s a lot and he may just not be focused on that. I would let him know that it’s okay if he needs space right now for that and to let you know if there is anything you can do during this time to help or make anything easier for him.
I really also just feel upset cause when my ex’s father passed he wanted to be with me the next day and we laid together cried, watched movies, cuddled. He wanted my presence. So comparing the 2, how my boyfriend now needs space..is just difficult to comprehend. (Although we haven’t been great for months, It’s just hard…)
If he’s like me, and a lot of guys, he needs space and time to process. Send a follow up like, “I know you need some space and I’m here when you’re ready to talk” and let it be for a couple of days.
I don’t see anything at all wrong with anything you texted. And his lack of responses may not mean that he was upset by the texts and angry at you, it could just mean he’s very busy with his family and funeral preparations and responding to texts is just on the back burner in his mind.
You’ve done nothing wrong here. Don’t over think it and worry yourself. He’ll appreciate the messages but he’s probably just not in the headspace to reply yet. Give him time
Where was the wrong part? Am I having a stroke?
You didn’t do anything wrong. Not even close to wrong. I lost my dad last year, and the emotions are just complicated. Your boyfriend may not have the right responses, and with your current situation that makes things even harder. Just try to be there for him as much as you can. And try not to feel bad about anything you’re doing or not doing. This stuff is hard for everyone involved, even in the best of circumstances. Just try to be there for him in any way that you can.
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It all looks fine to me
EDIT: sorry for your loss
You have done nothing wrong. Everyone deals with grief differently. He might not be up to responding. You could text him and let him know you’re still thinking of him