I wouldn’t call myself unsocialized as I’m really good with socializing among friends and I don’t really have much of a fear talking to girls but for some reason when it comes to crossing that boundary between friend and girlfriend I just have no idea how to act, what to say, what is normal or how to read the situation.
I feel like as a kid I never got the practice of actually trying to flirt because I always though that any boundary crossing would be seen as wrong, also I always feared rejection and the friend relationship state after that unsuccessful flirting attempt, thought as if it isn’t worth the risk of my “status”.
I do have some introspection to do with my fear of rejection and problems with showing any vulnerability in fear of being seen as weak and less popular later.
But overall I am trying to learn how to actually flirt in the dating goal sense and thought maybe anyone has any similar experiences and could help out? Or have any good resources that aren’t videos taking advantage of incels and teens where “alphas” teach this stuff?
P.S I’ve had a girlfriend and I’m not a virgin, simply because my ex did all the first moves to make me sure I can do whatever is needed :Dd
5 comments
Flirting pretty much never changes. It’s the same at 18 as it is at 80.
Eye contact. Smiles. A bit of fun, playful banter and teasing. Break the touch barrier with a playful slap on the hand, light shove to the should, grab a forearm or tap a knee. Escalate as they reciprocate.
Start by noticing things and small compliments.
“Wow your hair is really pretty! Have you been conditioning it differently lately?”
“Those are really cute shoes! Where’d you get them?”
I feel like flirting should come naturally and you shouldn’t really think about it too much. I think it can be easier over message as you actually have time to think what you want to reply – but at the same time you don’t want to overthink the response too much. I also feel like if the conversation is following and you have a lot in common it at times can be easier
For example; if a guy said to me I bet I could lift more in the gym , I would reply something like “I would love to see that” or “ would love to see you try”
(The example applys to me because I go to the gym, it could be like that with anything)
It doesn’t always have to be throwing compliments at each other that doesn’t make flirting – flirting. The right amount of teasing and winding the person up makes the conversation exciting in my eyes.
Just don’t force it. Try some banter, if it works anf they banter back you can probably escalate.
Step 1: Don’t.
Step 2: Refer to Step 1.