Some backstory: My gf and I attended the same university for 3 years, until the end of last fall semester, when she moved back to her home state. We have been dating for pretty much the entire 3 years. She still has half of her degree left and her parents (who are paying for school) wanted her to move back for in-state tuition. So since then, we’ve been doing long distance for the past couple months. I am graduating this spring and we have been planning for me to move in with her since she left. Since I don’t have much school left, I have been working full time to try and save up money to move. This has been stressful and I have been making sacrifices, but I am working hard because I want to be with her but also I hate living at home (abusive parents). She’s also too far away to visit, except by plane.
Current situation: After talking on the phone with her this morning, she told me that she will be going on a vacation with her parents for a month right after I am planning on moving in. Normally I would not have an issue with this, but since this would be at a time where I’m just moving in, I think that it would be hard on me for her to be gone. Also, at this point we would not have seen each other for about 6 months. After asking her if she could change the timing of the trip or take a shorter one, she said it was non-negotiable and it was selfish for me to ask. She lives fairly close to her parents and they visit often now. They also go on vacation often or at least spend a month together every time there is a break from school. I understood in the past when she lived far away from them, but now she’s seeing them often. I thought maybe she would be understanding of me moving, and how hard I am working towards that goal. She also has everything paid for by her parents (rent, food, travel).
Recently I have been trying to see if I could somehow move in sooner. However, her suggestion was if I had a problem with it, I should just move in after her trip.
I felt very saddened by this situation even though I am understanding of her point of view. Any insight would be appreciated.
tl;dr: long distance gf planning on taking month long trip as soon as I move in.
3 comments
Do you have a job? Have you talked with her about how y’all will split finances? Tbh I wouldn’t move anywhere without a job. Moving is hard work and expensive.
Also seems like you don’t have anyone for you there besides her and you already resent her for spending time with her family. Consider that before you move.
>I understood in the past when she lived far away from them, but now she’s seeing them often.
I’ve been in a relationship with a similar aspect. I thought things were a certain way because he lived far away from his parents. But when he moved closer to them, the time they spent together only ramped up. So just prepare yourself for her enmeshment with her family to continue unabated. This won’t be the first or last time her parents come before you.
Are you close with her family? Will you be ok being in constant contact with them after you move out there? Did you discuss finances with your gf? Will her parents pay for her indefinitely, is she going to work after graduation, what is going to be the division of labor etc. etc.?
I personally would be cautious about moving in with someone who is very much still dependent on their parents. You’re both young so it’s not unusual, but consider that you will be more independent from the start, focused on building your own life separate from your family – while she will still be more in the school mindset – sure, it’s college, but family is still paying and every spare minute is spent with them (it might be an exaggeration, i’m going by what you said about them going on multiple vacations a year and spending breaks together.)
Do you and your girlfriend want the same life, or are you so eager to leave home that you’re taking the first opportunity that appeared?