I (f/18) have a problem. I can’t cum. I can’t cum when having sex with my boyfriend and I can’t cum when masturbating. I often find myself touching my boobs but I can go months and months without actually masturbating.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
The only time I was ever close to cumming was when my boyfriend woke me up and I was half asleep (he came too quickly though to finish me)
Even when he wears clothes that I find extremely sexy on him, when he gives me head or during PiV I just can’t really cum. It feels good for sure and often times I even scream, but then I get so scared.
I wonder if I look weird, I feel like I’m losing control in a way, I say weird stuff (that one time I was close I called my bf a sex machine 🫣) or my boyfriend cums too early and after he cums he rarely does anything more because he’s exhausted.
When I’m on my own I don’t really know what to do with myself because I can’t hit the right angle and I can’t help but think of someone just walzing into my room or hearing me moan.
I’ve tried both penetration and clitoral but it just doesn’t happen.
I’m diagnosed with complex PTSD and depression but mentally I think I’m currently in an okay-ish state yet I still can’t cum.
I’m starting to resent everything around me because I’ve never experienced the „high“ so many people describe.
I don’t want to resort to drugs to be „in the moment“ for once but I feel like that’s the only option I have left.
6 comments
Do you take any medication for the depression or ptsd? Because that can interfere with your ability to climax.
You must stop the focus on orgasm. Just enjoy each other and your intimate time together. Take the pressure off of the big “o”
I think you need sex therapy to get professional help to figure this out. Cause this is most likely a mental issue getting in your way. Whatever the cause of this you have been worrying about it for a while so you’ll have to deal with your problem and deal with your mindset also. You see having an orgasm is 90% a mental stimulation thing. A sex therapist will be able to help because this is literally what they do every day. You just need specifically a sex therapist but some regular therapists might not believe sex and masturbation are important. But a sex therapist will have studies sex and masturbation specifically.
In the meantime you need to keep masturbating because nobody can figure this our other then you. You should to go a sex store to get all kinds of different sex toys. This way you try all kinds of different sexual stimulation. You need to stop focusing on the end goal of an orgasm and just enjoy the pleasure. Keep pleasuring yourself all long as possible and just enjoy the process. You need to think of reaching an orgasm as running a marathon. First your need to learn how to walk. Then you train your body on months and years to slowly run faster and for longer each time. Then after months or years of training you’ll manage to complete the marathon. Don’t rush just take your time to keep enjoying the practicing and then one day you’ll orgasm by accident.
You just can never ever give up and stop masturbating even once you achieve your orgasm. so many people in your situation, just give up and then never experience an orgasm for their entire life. this then leads to them being stuck in unhappy relationships. I’m not saying you need to rush in and Hurry up and figure this out now. i’m just saying that time moves fast and if you don’t keep masturbating you’ll wake up one day and you’ll be 50 never having had an orgasm.
It’s possible that your difficulty climaxing may not be caused by a medical issue. One thing to consider is whether you’re putting too much pressure on reaching the end goal instead of enjoying the journey. Anxiety can also make it harder to climax. It’s important to remember that real-life sex is not like the movies. It can be messy, loud, and involve strange faces and sounds, which is all perfectly normal. We all want to look our best for our partners, but it’s okay to let go and express ourselves during sex. Don’t worry too much about how you’re perceived – just focus on enjoying the moment.
Not all women can orgasm. Don’t focus on it, just enjoy the sex. Finishing isn’t everything. What helped me was smoking weed, I couldn’t orgasm until then.
Two things: It sounds like you’re aware you’re really in your head. It is possible for some non-addictive substances (CBD oil, for one) to help you relax fully. It’s really difficult to orgasm when you’re being taken out of the mood just before constantly.
The second thing, because you didn’t mention it in your post: are you using a vibrator? Many, many women can’t come from oral or PiV, and I know you said you can’t while masturbating either, but I would highly recommend trying out at least one vibrator if you haven’t before.