Is there homophobia in this statement? I’m a bisexual (25F) married to a heterosexual (24M) in a semi-open polyamorous relationship (with other girls) and I wanted to get a non-LGBTQ+ opinion on this.
My mother has always made it clear she hoped to god i would marry a man rather than a woman, but that she supports my happiness regardless. I personally interpret comments like these as homophobic or at the very least internalized homophobia (?)
Specifically, the reasoning behind not being happy about having a gay son has to do with “genetics” as in the desire to spread one’s genetic lineage across future generations, but to my knowledge gay couples have the same capacity of having genetically related children nowadays, so is this argument even the least valid?????
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Straight women here and I agree, that comment IS homophobic. Some parents hope for their kids to be straight because they don’t want them to have a harder life because they’d have to deal with homophobia, so I guess I understand the concern. However, I’m sick of people wanting to appease homophobes rather than let people love who they love.
Every parent wants their kids to have kids. That’s the overarching drive of all biological life. To spend a good portion of your life and your resources raising a child, only to realize that they will be the last of your lineage, is painful. We should have a little understanding for it.
People project more than their genetic lineage onto their children. They fantasize about the life they will have as an extension of themselves. They want certain things for them. They want them to be a certain way so they can relate to them. “I wouldn’t be happy…” is a bit of a harsh way of putting it, but I understand the sentiment.
I have two girls. I’d destroy the world for them to have one more breath of life. I wish I had a boy though. I was real disappointed when I found out my 2nd was another girl. However, I love them with all my heart and wouldn’t change a thing. It’s just with a boy, I could probably share things with him that I won’t ever be able to with my girls.
They have zero interest in many of the things I’m interested in outside of the fact that ‘daddy likes this.’ They’re girly AF. They won’t ever want to tinker on an old car or learn to DIY shit around the house. They didn’t inherit my need for speed or much of my thrill seeking side at all. But, they did inherit other things like my humor and stubbornness (and willingness/ability to argue about FUCKING EVERYTHING lol). So I relate by cultivating those things in them.
I dunno. I’m Jewish and I would prefer my son marry a Jewish woman. If he married a non-Jewish woman, I’d still be perfectly and completely happy for him, but I still have my preference. Does that make me a bigot? Same thing applies here, IMO.
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That statement can 100% be homophobia. It can also be a lot of fear of the unknown, and a lot of ignorance that can be corrected with education and patience.
No. It is really just reality. Wanting a straight son does not mean that you have something against gay people. He would just prefer a straight son.
Why is is homophobic? I’d wouldn’t be happy if my daughter was an oil field worker or joined a weirdo fringe religious org but I’d ultimately support her. I don’t have to like a lifestyle or proclivity or think it’s the best possible outcome for a child, but that doesn’t mean I find that life abhorrent or have a phobia about it.
If you want to see homophobia, you will, I guess.
Sounds like you wanted non lgbt people to respond to this so they could tell you into not homophobic. 🙄
Like maybe it’s cuz she wants grandkids.
There’s some homophobia but it’s the best you’ll get from her. Old dog, new tricks, all that.
I would 10000000% prefer a straight son over a ghey son. Much easier to relate to, I can actually be a good role model to him, i am more likely to be able to help him, but I don’t for a second ever think I wouldn’t be there for my son or not love him if he was ghey. He’s still my son and I will love him.
I think you have to understand what’s driving the sentiment before you could say if it’s homophobic or not.
As others said, you could replace the word gay here with something else and have a completely different interpretation. “I wouldn’t be happy if I had a nerdy son” is an understandable statement if they were looking forward to bonding with them on something deeply personal to them. You could view it as a hopeful statement – they’re afraid of what reality is going to deal them instead but that they believe they can overcome their own fear / ignorance / whatever. But I think you have to ask them why they feel that way before you can judge.