So I found this great nanny who is originally from Brazil….here on a work visa. Im a single dad and she helps me when I have out of state custody time with my 2 young boys, which is roughly once per month and all summer. Something I noticed is that, after I return home, she “lingers”. Like, sometimes an hour or more watching movies w me or just telling me about what she has going on. Further, she texts me outside windows where I have them, almost just to catch up or to ask about them. She’s the first nanny I’ve ever hired and I have no idea if she just really cares about her work or if she’s doing….more? Is this maybe just typical for girls from Brazil?
Update: Best to keep things professional and separate. Thank you to those who provided input, particularly those familiar with Brazilian social customs.
42 comments
Married to a Brazilian, from experience with partners family it is common for them to linger.
Especially in a context where they tend to take care of people or place…
But also, you’re the boss and hired here.. you’re posting in the dating sub rather a parenting advice sub like dad it or parenting or something… so that being said, if you’re not keeping it professional then she is probably feeding off this.
If you’re interested, do something about it if you are not and it’s strictly business. Let her know ot may or may not be okay to send text outside of work hours if not with kids and it’s not appropriate or make a stop to it and let her know you’re not interested and you apologize if any miscommunication occurred and lead to thoughts of attraction..
Is it typical for lonely divorced American men to let a nanny watch tv with them? You’re the one allowing her to stay in your home for hours after she’s babysat. It’s obvious you see an opportunity to exploit her. You’re gross. Is that why your wife left you?
Assuming she’s from Brazil and you’re living somewhere else, e.g. the United States, this is completely normal. She’s far from home and you’re one component of her support structure. As she acclimates more to her new surroundings, she’ll be more normal.
Also, social niceties are more in Latin American nations versus more northern nations.
I would not read into it that she’s interested in you romantically. Don’t make it weird.
Not sure why some people are being so hard on you! Perhaps she doesn’t have a lot of people to spend time with and wants to make a friend, maybe she wants you to be comfortable with her around your children OR perhaps she is interested in you. Staying around for a movie is a lot of extra time to spend. Just make sure that if any moves are made by either of you that you both want the same thing and that you put the children first :))
You can do whatever you want . You are both adults. Looks like she does like you and you are just waiting for her to made the first move. There’s no right or wrong. Only complicated here is its involve your children. Not sure you want to have any type of casual relationship with someone on your payroll who’s watch your children. It gets messy. It’s not rude to set boundaries.
Nanny here. Don’t fuck the nanny unless you want things to get hella complicated. Casual sex with the person who takes care of your kids is gonna get messy. It’s a job that can get emotionally confusing as it is – nannies can get very emotionally attached to the kids they watch, its a weird gray area where you’re *almost* like family – except you aren’t you’re getting paid to be there. I keep things very strictly professional, because those boundaries are important to keep your sanity and not blur the lines
Boundaries.
“I jerk off to my nanny every night” —this post
You definitely need to state your intentions immediately because South American women are a lot different than American Women when it comes to their feelings they are extremely intense people and extremely passionate.. If she isn’t someone you can’t or don’t see a future with and you lead her on you are definitely going to learn some Portuguese… and they won’t be nice words if you do want to date her replace her with another Nanny because there’s a chance it could become weird.. as an aside.. Does she have papers..if she doesn’t be hesitant if she does your straight
I feel like knowing ages, level of attractiveness, your wealth, and how long she has been here/her friend support system here would help answer this question. She could be into you genuinely, she could want a blue passport, she could be lonely and bored. I do think culture plays a small part at least.
Sounds like she wants to be more than a nanny
Work visa = you have X days to attract an American husband.
Nice.
Sounds like the Seinfeld episode where he starts dating the cleaning lady.
Set boundaries you have employed her to look after your children, if your children like her and are happy with her as their nanny, don’t muck it up by hitting on her. That could get very messy and it’s not fair on your children. They have already dealt with one family relationship breaking down, they don’t need you sleeping with their nanny, and you stopping hiring her.
Keep this relationship a work one. If you want to date her find another nanny first.
Eh, as an internet stranger, I say pursue the hot nanny and see if you can get a new Mrs. OP.
Rule 1 don’t fk the hired help
Rule 2 don’t shit where you eat
This will not end well, she could accuse you of sexually harrassing her if you don’t marry her which is what she’s probably after. She has an agenda. Sorry if this is harsh but most nannies follow a code of conduct and she is clearly after what you can provide for her.
She might have romantic feelings but honestly I’d think about her material reality. You present a stable home, presumably friendly attitude & American citizenship. Even if she’s romantically interested, a casual sexual relationship would only fulfill her in one way (sexually) and leave her without emotional or material support, so it seems likely she wants more than that if she wants anything at all.
Given you posted this on a dating sub, it seems like you’re looking for affirmation that she’s sexually interested in you – but honestly a bunch of internet strangers can’t tell you that. And if you want something sexual, then you need to acknowledge her material situation too, and be empathetic towards that rather than hostile if you’re wanting to pursue anything (otherwise her – and your kids – will end up getting hurt by your selfish actions).
People from third world countries genuinely do feel some love to the kids they care of. And maybe it’s just for the kids. Or she just wants to keep the job hence the extra care.
But the way you say it is like you are physically attracted to her. If she is single too then its definitely ok to have a relationship with her. The biggest plus is that you know she is good with your kids.
I worked as an au pair for a summer in the US (I’m from Argentina) and for me she is kinda breaking the nanny code. Especially because you are a single father, and she is just staying there after hours to *chill?* (and she does not even live in your house).
People from Latin America tend to be more friendly an open but we still respect boundaries. In my eyes, staying with my *male single boss* in his house after my job is done is so unprofessional I do not agree that this is a cultural thing. You are not her friend nor her family and she knows this and I guess you didn’t invite her to stay until whenever she wants.
She may feel lonely and want to spend time with somebody but is not right to just invite yourself to stay. It’s pretty messy.
She’s a good nanny, she cares for your kids. Don’t test those waters unless you see potential for something serious. Also think about why you would only pursue something casual, that’s not fair for such a caring nurturing person.
I guess I’m not quite seeing the issue….it honestly just sounds to me like she’s building rapport with you and the family, and maybe she just wants a chance to relax with you all here and there. It sounds like she’s just trying to make nice, maybe build friendship with you all.
Like staying to watch a film doesn’t sound incredibly odd to me, but maybe I’m the weird one.
Also if you’re hinting at what I think you’re hinting at, I highly do not recommend. You’re already this woman’s employer, she’s taking care of your kids and house, she’s receiving her pay and instruction from you….do not make this nonsense messy with trying to elevate it to things it doesn’t need to be….like go pick up a random chick who’s down for that.
This smells like it can and will go downhill very quickly.
She trying to get a marriage lol
Sounds like she wants to make the work visa a permanent citizenship.
It’s possible she’s into and it’s possible she’s into your ability to provide her with citizenship.
The real question is, is are you willing to get into it with her knowing you may never find out which?
I don’t know what you’re looking for. I also don’t know why everyone is necessarily so negative. I don’t know. You don’t seem to be asking for advice on how to get her to leave you alone so just ignore all that advice. Pay attention to the advice that says don’t try to have casual sex with her unless you’re no longer employing her. If you find her attractive and would like to date her, then shoot your shot. But do it respectfully. Ask her if she’d like to go out on a date.
It isn’t like she’s a full-time nanny. She’s just helping you occasionally and then in the summer. The kids might get attached to her but if you ask her out and she says no, then just continue to employ her unless she doesn’t want to work for you anymore and then it’s her business. Obviously you don’t want to make it sound like going out with you as a condition of the job.
But if you really like her and could see something happening, then try a few dates when you don’t have the kids. I see no harm in that. Who knows, if the kids like her and you guys hit it off, maybe they’ve got a new mommy.
But just be respectful and read her vibe. If you really think she kind of likes you, then I think you are okay to ask her out. As for her being a foreigner maybe looking for a green card or something, well, that’s kind of rude. Are foreigners not allowed to find men attractive or seek love? The same as any relationship. If you would date someone from Brazil, that’s no different than dating your nanny from Brazil .
But if you just looking for casual sex, definitely not. You could lose a good nanny, could cause some emotional harm. She could freak out and get extremely emotional and cause a very bad scene, and she could perhaps feel pressured because of your employment, so I would say don’t fish off of that Pier.
Yikes
Why are you here
Green card? Baby daddy? Oh boy….
Is she a nanny or an au pair? Asking because au pairs have an age limit to where they can’t stay regardless of their visa status. I think it’s 25.
Bro… just go for it. Be prepared yo lose a nanny and gain a lover
Jeez let the lady finish watching the movie. Maybe she just hasn’t seen the film. Maybe your apartment is nicer than where she lives. Maybe she feels safe there.
I would not count these as offering interest.
Does she flirt with you? Touch you unnecessarily? Do you catch her smiling/looking at you when you’re not looking? Or holding a gaze at you a bit too long?
Go for it man!
Are you asking because you’re hoping she likes you or something?
If one of my employees was hanging around after work I’d politely ask them to leave, she’s not the one being off here it’s you
I guess the question is: what do you want? What do you feel comfortable with? Are you ok with her staying for over an hour after you arrive? Do you like it? Do you dislike it? …? Those are basic questions that will determine what you should do.
As far as you’re concerned she’s being friendly, and Latins tend to be friendly by default.
My kids’ babysitter stays and chats with me or plays with the kids longer all the time, pretty similar to what you describe. I think it’s relatively normal.
Mr. Sheffield
Maybe she is lonely? Maybe she enjoys your company? Ask her!
Well not like you are places any boundaries if you’re sitting around watching movies like it’s a date
she sounds interested in you and your family, obviously. it might be a cultural thing where the nanny becomes part of the family. if your kids like her and she isnt hurting anyone, let her hang out with you guys. brazilians are awesome.
Im a nanny. I would never and never have lingered after a work day. Are you kidding? I wanna get home as soon as possible. Shes upto something maybe.
Why do I feel like I know exactly who this woman is