Texting Ex Transparency Request.

I had a fight with my girlfriend because she was still texting her ex when we were in a relationship. She said that only she tried to contact him and texted him to want to keep the relationship platonic but he never replied and I know that is true because her ex had sent her a long email that he didn’t make contact because he wanted to move on and that now he is moving out of the city which I have read. Also, she had told me that she had texted her ex whenever she did a couple of months back and I was okay and never tried to invade her privacy because she told he it was only about keeping it platonic with him. We haven’t even shared our passwords because I myself don’t believe in that stuff. However, I think I deserve to know the truth about what she texted him so I kept bugging her to show me the chats(because I thought if she has not moved on l, then it’s definitely affecting my relationship). My girlfriend took my promise that she will show me the messages when I made it clear that I want transparency and rebuild the trust in the relationship and that she has to decide what she wants to do and that I really don’t want to breakup but only want transparency by either her reading the messages to me with context or me reading it. She also promised that she would not delete any of those messages. Today she showed me the messages she had sent and I found that to be very neutral but when I asked about a particular thing that she had mentioned about me on the text she had told me which is not actually present in the text, she got defensive and told me that she texted him on a different number and that she has deleted that chat even before promising me. I am really pissed off and feel hurt as well as emotionally drained because first of all I feel she doesn’t value promises and second is that she deleted those messages and I wanted to know what is the thing that she wrote in those messages that she never showed me. How do I deal with this since I think it’s against my values of trust and transparency in a relationship and is there any solution for this or get the transparency and to make her realise that false promises are really hurtful and bad.
People who think that privacy is topmost and everything is justified when it comes to privacy, I want them to explain how do you justify that really?
2 comments
Nope. U tell her to hey can’t talk anymore I have a new relationship. Ur gfs ex is already like yo don’t email me lol. And she still tryna contact him.
Yeah she cleaned it up before she let u see. Lol
Relationships are built on trust, and either destroyed or turned abusive (emotionally or physically) from high levels of distrust combined with forcing your partner to show you what they’re “hiding”.
We all have the right to privacy, from *everyone*. You violated her privacy. I can’t believe she showed you, let alone stuck around after you were so persistent with that. You’re being very inconsiderate and immature.
>I think I deserve to know the truth
You don’t, it’s her right to keep it to herself and it’s her decision to share, and you took both of those things away from her.
>she texted him on a different number
Sometimes this is a red flag, but you’ve demonstrated that you are very judgemental and anal about simple things such as communicating with someone that was once apparently very meaningful to her. If you don’t trust her enough to decide when to talk to her X on her own, and decide for herself whether to share that with you, you probably don’t have the level of trust necessary to be in a relationship at all.
The only thing I can think from what you’ve said that she’s done wrong, is she told you one thing and didn’t stick to that word. Sticking to what you say or promise is certainly important in a relationship. But I think you may have necessitated that based on how you are describing the situation.