I’m a 30F looking to settle down and I’ve been having a hard time finding someone that is ready for the same.
I have on my Hinge profile that I’m looking for a long-term relationship and avoid matching with men that aren’t looking for the same thing.
I met two great guys in the last 6 months but both of them eventually broke things off after a few weeks/months because they realized they’re not over their last relationship.
Is there a way to subtly ask if they are ready for a relationship and over their last girlfriends in the first few days of talking? I don’t want to come off too strong but I’m also tired of wasting time and emotional energy on men that are still hung up on their exes.
5 comments
Unfortunately this is one of those things you can’t filter for by asking. I imagine those guys didn’t even know they weren’t over their exes when they met you.
It’s another one of those “time will tell” things.
I’m curious if they decided they’re not over their last relationship before or after they slept with you.
I wouldn’t try and be subtle. Just be straight up, but polite. Something like, “hey so you seem cool and Im interested but I just need to know that you’re available and not still attached to anyone, I’ve been burnt a few times recently and want to avoid that happening again.”
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Also I’d avoid any “ex” talk, especially for the first few dates. Sometimes when a man is gets comfortable with a woman, they might let loose and vent about a past relationship, not taking into account how the person listening might feel about it. So if they bring it up maybe steer the convo away from it, like “well hey thats the past and we’re here now”.
It is hard to find people nowadays that don’t want to just hook up. I have not been able to get a single match. But it seems like most people just want a physical relationship instead of a long-term deeper relationship. It seems in your case that they were expecting a physical relationship they backed out when they knew it wouldn’t happen right away.
I’m sorry this happened. I would be open to the conversation pretty early on while talking.
Men lie about wanting an LTR because they know that if they don’t say they do you will swipe left. They don’t really think about the consequences. However I have found that some woman also lie about wanting an LTR when they really don’t but don’t want to advertise that fact on a dating site.