This is not the first, and will not be the first time that me, or anyone else has to deal with this, so, I will finally ask for help here.
A bit of context before hand: I don’t speak English very well. I’m a 16yo girl. I’m HSP (hightly sensitive person) I’ve had anxiety my hole life, and dealed with severe depression for some years due to trauma (yes, all of this is diagnosed and I go to therapy). I’ve been out of school for two years for the trauma of severe bullying and abuse, and this year I re incorporated. I had pink hair and still have a style that kind of impacts some people.
All of this said, let’s start 🙂
Since I’ve been so out of touch with studying, it was hard for me to be in my last year of school, so I moved classes to one that is simpler for people who also struggle like me. In the first class we were all girls except for two boys; this ambient was very harsh and I was made fun of by multiple girls; some directly and some behind my back. It was hard, I thought I was strong enough to endure it but I couldn’t and ended up missing a bit for school.
In this new class I just don’t fit with anyone. People are clearly divided into some groups: the people who only disturb and cause chaos, a group of noisy people, alternative kids and some others.
At first I tried to socialize with everyone, but it was clear that they had no intention to reciprocate; it was uncomfortable to be honest.
I’m a really, really emotional person. I try to be rational as much as I can and not get affected by random things that should not matter to anyone. My HSP makes super hard and tiring to just exist in class, with all the things I have to learn and all the distractions.
For me, the mere idea of being rude to someone is just unthinkable. It feels unnatural, strange.
So, even if I’ve already dealed with bullies in the past, people who are subtly rude shock me. Not just the fact that I don’t expect it, but how natural it seems for them and how no one reacts even a bit to it.
I’m also learning to shut up, because I don’t seem to know how to close my mouth sometimes (I think it’s due to being nervous).
So, here is my question: how do I actively stop caring. I know the basics; I know these people mean nothing in my life and won’t be of any sort of help for me, but I can’t help to get affected by their actions. I need to stop looking for acceptance in them, but it’s just so awkward to exist so many hours in such an ambient.
Thank you for reading so far 🙂
1 comment
I am not expert but here is my opinion.
I unfortunately had to deal with as similar circumstance when I was younger due to English being my second language.
It is hard to not care about other peoples actions/opinions at that age. It is normal to crave acceptance and be part of a group, it is a survival instinct in a way.
What worked for me was not seeing these people as possible friends/acquaintances but as animals. Sounds weird but it worked for me. Just go in there without expecting anything positive, just observe them and study their behavior. Attempting to understand what has lead them to behave this way always helped me deal with them easier when the need became present.
Those people sound stupid, try to ignore them. The real, good friends come along organically and it is probably not wise to force anything to happen. By the time you know it you will find your own close buddies.
If anyone thinks I’m wrong please let me know.
Hope that helps!