I’ve (23M) been trying to meet a girl for a long time, but I can’t seem to get girls to come on dates with me, or turn the few dates into a relationship.
It’s been the case basically my whole life, I have only had two relationships ever. Even though I go to social events and parties at least twice a week.
Thing is, I have a lack of confidence and self-esteem that even though I am aware of, shows once in a while. For example most of the time when I ask a girl out IRL I’m pretty awkward. I’m also shy by nature, and I think they pick up on it.
Also, I think I’m bad at flirting. Can’t seem to know when the other person is interested, as a result I tend to get friendzoned. I’m scared to make things awkward, especially with someone who i’ll be seeing again outside of dating so hitting on friends of friends is hard for me.
I used dating apps unsuccessfully, even though that is what got me the most dates. I would rather primarily work on my offline game.
Avg looking guy, good banter, and I can hold a conversation, so I don’t think that’s the issue.
What I would like to know is : how do you improve confidence, how to flirt/read the signs she is into you, and how to make moves on girls that I know a little bit (at a houseparty, a classmate or other).
Thanks for the help.
2 comments
My view:
I wrote a post yesterday on how to approach a woman anywhere (and the redditor that asked thought highly of the advice) so you can have a look at that.
I also think I have posted on flirting and reading a woman’s signals too. So have a look and see if that helps you.
How to build confidence or what I call your frame:
First, a natural confidence builder for a man is to lift heavy weights, do some cardio, eat nutritious food, and get plenty of sleep. If you have an attractive body that you have created and women notice you (a glance or a stare and a smile) then that will make you feel good. This lifting of weights will also lift your testosterone – this will help naturally attract women.
Second, stand up straight with your shoulders back and master your body language – eye contact is absolutely critical and carry yourself like a man. Practice your smile and making eye contact every day. People may laugh at this but practice walking like a boxer who is about to enter the ring. Practice this confident walking at home.
Third, reflect before you react – be calm and rational. Pause, think and then act. This subtle confidence will command respect from others. A man should be in control of his emotions. Remember, women are emotional; men are rational and logical.
Fourth, be authentic and honest and demonstrate integrity. Inauthenticity comes across as insecurity. For me, I could not care less about social media influencers and what other people think of me. I know who I am and I believe in my skills and abilities. Be your own man and follow your goals and purpose.
Fifth, improve your speaking skills – speak slower with a deeper masculine voice, practice speaking to people from all walks of life, listen attentively. Speak with some emotion (don’t be a robot).
Sixth, dress confidently and make sure you always leave your house/apartment after showering, smelling nice, and wearing clean ironed clothes. Be clean shaven or have your beard neatly trimmed. Take pride in your appearance.
For me, I do some positive self talk. You have to love yourself first so have a good relationship with yourself – be kind to yourself, encourage yourself. Have a mindset of continuous self improvement – try and be better today than you were yesterday. I don’t compare myself to other men because they are on their journey and I am doing my thing, grinding away every day to create the best man that I can be.
I hope this is helpful.
👆I concur