It happens occasionally. I feel a little bad for being turned on by it, because I know why he asks. His longest relationship besides me wasn’t great, and his girlfriend got mad at him for jacking it instead of sleeping with her. I tell him every single time that he doesn’t have to ask my permission, but I can’t help but find it adorable, endearing, and very arousing. I feel bad because he asks so earnestly, but it’s also BECAUSE he asks so earnestly that it’s as hot as it is. I may be ruining my own fun, here, but I think it’s more important for him to feel comfortable with me than to get my rocks off with a kink I didn’t even know I had. But yeah, he asks my permission to get off, and my heart does little backflips. He lets me watch, and I usually get a mouthful of cum out of it, so like, no downsides at all. Eventually it’s gonna get through to him that I will NEVER get upset at him for satisfying his own needs, and then maybe I’ll tell him I find it arousing and we can play with it more, but I’m gonna keep enforcing that he doesn’t have to ask, no matter how much I enjoy it.
I feel like an asshole for liking it, but whatever. For now it’s enjoyable.
Edit: Holy hecc this blew up! You guys win, I’ll talk to him about it. Kink negotiation time.
Also, yeah, we’re both switches. He typically doms more than I do because I was a virgin when he snatched me up. He has LOTS of experience and he is ALL my experience. I’m gaining confidence in trying to dom as well.
48 comments
Do you masturbate for him? Major turn on to do so together
[deleted]
You can talk about him being free to enjoy his own body on his terms AND the kink of asking permission the way he has. They aren’t mutually exclusive. The distinction is healthy communication and his *consent* to be managed by you.
If you’re letting him cum in your mouth almost every time he may have already worked through his past issues on this one. 🤣 I’d say talk to him about how kinky it is for you and there are good odds he’ll be willing to lean into it.
definitely
It could be that he likes asking.
We all need to learn to chillax and let ourselves be the Horny little nymphs that we are 💯% approve this message lol.
Seriously, let yourself be aroused from this. It’s nice you are considerate for his needs, shows you love him. But you can also enjoy it. It could lead to newer kinks for you both.
We started prostate massage-🤯. Most people have no clue that a guy can have multiple orgasms like a fem, no refractory period. I can do it alone and have orgasms for hours straight. Different types of orgasms too.
So jealous. My wife rarely lets me cum in her mouth, but it’s the ultimate pleasure sensation for me, she treats it like a burdensome sexual favor.
For you to treat it like a bonus is SO HOT.
While I don’t think you’re an asshole for liking it (after all there are people who get turned on seeing their partner cry confiding in them) I do hope that you are being especially considerate of his feelings with this.
It sounds like the reason you find his sincerity so endearing is that you can tell he genuinely feels like he isn’t allowed to pleasure himself without your permission. I can’t tell if this is a power thing (like that you like being in charge of his pleasure), an intimacy thing (that you are emotionally touched that he is so concerned with your comfort that he is literally unwilling to pleasure himself without being assured of it), or something else entirely.
I couldn’t say, but what I can say is that when that point hits that he and you both know that he doesn’t need to ask the sincerity may not be there. It turns from a plea from authenticity to a game you both play. So be very clear and introspective about the why and what you enjoy about this. Willing power exchanges can still be very fun, BUT if part of the reason you feel like an asshole for liking comes from it being a power exchange he feels compelled to give because of his experiences…maybe shelf it.
You’ll have to give an edit later for how many people on Reddit try to do the same.
Does anyone else see a submissive side here? I’m just thinking long term. It’s big
You are so awesome. Just know he knows that too.
If you want to talk to him about it, something like, “You’re 100% allowed to do whatever you want, but if you choose to ask my permission, I’ll get off on it.”
You could also suggest shifting it to Letting You Know rather than Asking Permission.
If his ex always got mad at him for masturbating then it will take him a while to not feel obligated to ask you for permission/not feel guilty. It sucks that his ex scolded him for such a standard behaviour…
But… It sounds like you’ve communicated your feelings about this and are very open and sex positive about it.
Maybe you’ve got a bit of a Domme side? Maybe you can incorporate some asking/requesting into your intimacy! For example he can ask: can I touch you? Kiss you? Consent is hot and so is being open!
If its consensual and he likes to ask, you should check out /r/FemdomCommunity and /r/chastity. Maybe there is something here you both can play with to enhance your sexual experiences together.
To me honestly this sounds like a mutual kink. The fact that you keep telling him he doesn’t have to ask for mission but he continues to do so anyway makes me think he’s also into this.
If he likes doing it maybe you should get him to ask permission to cum also. Orgasm control is a thing
I think it can be rather healing to be submissive to a partner you can trust after you have been hurt in the past. I think he just enjoys you being in control but not hurting him with it. Atleast that’s how I started feeling after a very traumatic relationship.
Sounds fun! You are not doing anything wrong by enjoying this! Have a good time!
Fells like a nsfw ama.
Sounds like little sub-dom relationship developing. Def don’t feel bad, quite opposite, enjoy it. Maybe even explore it a little further. You don’t have to go full dungeon, having him on a leash and his punishment in a cage, but bring little aspects of it into other areas of sex life and see what happens.
I ask my wife for permission if I’m going to do it in the same room as her (just seems considerate), and last time I did it ended up with us having sex. That was pretty fun. I highly doubt he’s not enjoying himself with this, and I’m sure the fact that you participate is a huge turn on for him as well (in fact, I might see if I can get my wife on board to let me finish in her mouth too next time I ask lol)
It sounds like you’re a keeper. Your fiance is a lucky man, honestly.
i don’t think you should feel bad about it, it’s actually a kink.
I do a somewhat similar thing and my wife loves it too. When I want to get off I always “give her the opportunity” to fool around first and if she doesn’t want to then I’ll jerk off next to her. So basically she will never feel that I’m just jerking it instead of wanting to bang her and it’s a turn on for both of us for her to know I’m about to do it. Sometimes she’s not in the mood but when i start masturbating she gets fun jealousy out of it and then we have sex instead.
Gentlefemdom at its finest and you didn’t even know it.
This really sounds like he has a submissive streak in him and enjoys the attention and validation of his kink. The fact that you’re so supportive is a huge win for both of you. Well done!
I think he needs your permission if he is going to ejaculate into your mouth, so I figure that’s why he keeps asking.
There’s a subreddit called r/joi (Jerk off instruction) where all the videos are someone telling you how hard or fast to Jerk it, when to edge and when (or whether) you get to cum
It makes sense that you both could be into it and I don’t think there’s a reason to feel guilty about enjoying it so much especially if you’ve already talked about it. And who knows maybe you two just got lucky and stumbled onto your thing
My girlfriend usually responds to “I’m gonna jerk off, OK?” with “Yeah that’s fine, but can I suck your balls?” and I find that pretty hot. She’ll usually also suggest a threesome scene and then talk dirty using “we,” “us,” and “our” e.g. “we want your cum” or “paint us, please”
She’s a good girlfriend.
Omg. I would let my bf do a lot of things if he acted so submissive about it! Cute!
All this is very hot & I would be equally as turned on by it as you are. But I’m going to guess it turns him on just as much as it does you 💜💜💜
Masturbate together next time!
I would try to have an open and honest conversation with him about his kinks. There is probably more to this than you realize and he is probably waiting for a safe space to share.
My partner and I have a D/s relationship where she has to ask before she can masturbate (amongst other rules). She initiated the rule and this sort of relationship. This sort of relationship wasn’t really what I was expecting when getting into it but it’s a lot of fun and I’ve come to love it.
This sounds perfectly okay. You say he doesn’t need to ask, but he wants to ask. It’s reassuring for him. A lot of men have substantial shame and trauma around masturbating even without any angry exes. Masturbation rituals are often about repetition and patterns which make him feel safe, and he wants you to tell him its okay so he can silence the voices and enjoy it without shame.
I certify this behavior with my manstamp of approval.
💎
I never knew I liked to know my husband was jerking it until I accidentally walked in on him. I shut the door and let him be but realize I started fantasizing about what he was doing in there. I told him flat out that him pleasing his self turns me on to no end. Now, he tells me when he is about to to give me the choice of participating or not. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I like to just fantasize about what he’s doing and then when he’s done, he will come out & we go straight to the bedroom.
It sounds like you need to explore a female-led relationship. Agree with the other comments surrounding having a conversation about him freely enjoying his body vs kink of permission
My guy, this sounds fucking perfect. You have to tell him about it, but you found someone with stuff to work through that matches your kink exactly
Think he knows it turns you on
Maybe make it a bit of a game – “What are you going to do for me so I let you jack off?” “You have to massage me/lick me/clean the dishes/whatever first.” “You can’t cum until I say so. Better tell me when you are ready to cum.” – then make him beg a bit for it. Afterwards -“Good boy – that was such a nice big load for me – did you like it?”
I’m thinking he likes asking you. Def tell him he can on his own whenever he wants but also tell him it turns you on when he asks and you participate. Ask if he wants instructions while he’s doing it. This may be a whole new world for you both.
Ok – if you tell him that you’re into it and you keep doing what you’re doing – bro will tell you 22 times per day.
You make him feel wanted and when he feels that way he ain’t ever going nowhere
I know it’s been said a million times already but I’ve you’ve told him he doesn’t have to ask, just let him ask if he likes.
I personality think there’s more going on, either he knows you like to be asked or it’s less of him asking and more of him inviting.
Either way don’t talk it to death and just enjoy it.
I would love that. This would be my dream coming true (especially the watching and cum in mouth part). 😍
You two should talk about it. I know you think you know his motivation, but he could secretly be enjoying it too. I saw this as someone who has his orgasms controlled by his wife. I find it hot that she has that power.
By the looks of it, I believe he’s a submissive and wants to be played one. So, any chance you get, ask him. And then take it further with chastity, or denial. 🙂
Have you thought that maybe he might like asking you for permission?
No need to feel like an asshole.
You might both have interesting kinks that line up perfectly.
Might be able to incorporate it into more aspects of your sex life.
I have said it 1,000x. The mind is the biggest sex organ. The whole psychological aspects and turn ons of sex often far outweigh the physicality of it.