update on meeting my sperm donor

Edit – original post

My dads dying should I reach out and message him? from relationship_advice

no one asked for this but I thought I’d update anyways.

Yes I’m calling him sperm donor, it didn’t go well. We had tried talking on the phone I kept it light for awhile and then I wanted him to answer some of the hard questions as to why he was not there. I told him ahead if time I wanted to talk about it and told him I wanted to talk about it two weeks from the conversation so he could think about what he wanted to say.

He gave me non answers, not no answers but non answers.  “Idk” “the knowing of not knowing” and that no he did not want a paternity test despite that being a big issue from what I’ve heard as to why his family and him wasn’t there.

From what my mom said his mom and sister Karen wanted a dna test and her being a single mother of two told them it’d be fine but she wouldn’t put for it. They lied and told him she didn’t want to. he never bothered to ask her for clarification. karen later on went on to have her mother choose between me or the grandchildren she had known since they were babies. she thought me and my mom were after an inheritance, i just wanted to hang out at the beach with them my sperm donors mother chose the other grandkids.

my sperm donors dad eventually left his wife and the last day he was in town he taught me to ride a bike.

The first time we talked on the phone he ( sperm donor, we’ll call kevin) under minded my religion saying that he believes that if i want to I could go to the store and pick up a pork chop if I wanted ( im Jewish)

Kevin hugged me which I at first was fine with because I thought he didn’t know about my abused past ( turns out my mom had spilled the beans on that as i found out later) and didn’t know idon’t like being touched by people

He wasn’t dying either apparently he had been over dramatic about that to get my moms attention because he was trying to get with her. his liver if he continues to drink we’ll be messed up but he will be fine.

He also kept making jokes while I was there about me and my fiancé staying with him if we got tired of my mom’s nonsense. Then second to last day i was there he texted me asking if my mom had jalapeños I said no and then we went and bought him stuff to make queso.

He then suggested we stay for dinner and was acting as though we were all fine and I was kind of mad at this point because of the above mentioned stuff.

And texted him he wasn’t entitled to my time when he put little to no thought to answering my questions and he doesn’t get to act like he is the better parent then my mom.

Forgot to mention he told my mom if he had been there with me growing up I would have been his best friend and she would have been left all alone.

This is when things kind of imploded. He sent the message to his sister who wasn’t there when i was younger and only know things as of heresay. She started defending him ( which i understand) and then started hinting at that my mom being the one that kept him away.

And then he started saying they tried to get two dna test, this was not something he remembered but something his sister karen told him. he had no reason as to why he didn’t tell me this when we had set up a time to talk about stuff beside that it was a suprise and that i came out of nowhere.

which is not true he tried to get in contact with me before, a few times kind of when i was younger, and i spent a lot of time at his parents house, i didn’t pop out of the wood works so that’s jut more b.s in my opinion.

hes also saying that my mom said there was possibly another guy that could have been my dad which is also b.s. my mom has faults one of them being that she was way to open and honest about alot of stuff you probably shouldn’t tell kids, she would have mentioned if there was another possibility because she is an open book bless her heart.

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so though my expectations were low for this he went beyond them in disappointing me, his sister and my fiances are going to be splitting the cost of a dna test, and when it comes up positive i’m going to make my mom get back child support because he turned on her for no reason except to make him look better. my mom was helping get him to his appointments and was helping him with specialist and making sure he got the right treatments and then he just lied about her and started treating her like crap for no reason

sorry for the rant or if this is jumbled i’m kind of just dissapointed in how this turned out.