Our baby woke up and cried very loud. I knew she was hungry so I went to the kitchen to make her formula. While I was making it, my husband picked her up but she’s still crying (of course because she’s hungry). Then I heard her cry even louder and rushed into our room and asked him “what happened? what did you do?”. He said nothing she just keeps crying. Then when I finished making her milk, I took her from my husband and saw a bruise on her nose. That wasn’t there yet before. I said “What happened to her nose?! did you pinch it?!”. He said “I don’t know. show me?”. He had a look and kept touching her nose and head. Then I said “Did you pinch her nose?! look how big this bruise is!”. He said “I did, a little bit. It wasn’t even that hard.” I was so pissed when he said that. I said “To you it wasn’t that hard but to her its hard! She’s still a baby!!!”. While I was changing her nappies, he just kept standing there, touching her like thats going to do anything or make her bruise go away. I was very angry and I kept pushing his hand away and kept telling him to go away. Then he got mad at me for that. He slapped my hands 3 times. After I fed our baby, I told him to never do it again to our baby, to have more patience with her, she’s still a baby why would you do something like that? He looked like he was sorry. He also said sorry to me. But I was fed up. I didn’t feel like forgiving him straight away because he already hit my hands before (few months ago) he would also grab my arm to the point that it leaves a big bruise. These happened when he gets very angry (because of an argument) and he gets angry quickly. He also gets angry quick with out daughter. He would pinch her nose, slap her slightly, and yell at her when she cries very loud. I don’t know what to do at this point. Will it get worse or will he change? I need advice 🙁
36 comments
Oof. I am sorry that you are going through this.
While you are processing what to do, take a photo of it so that you have it should you need it.
With that, this pretty clearly sounds like abuse.
He’s literally abusing a defenseless infant, and it didn’t just happen once. He’s abusing you. Why wait around and see if he will change if there’s a distinct possibility his “anger issues” that he chooses not to control could result in the loss of your child’s life? He clearly doesn’t care about her safety or wellbeing so you really need to get both of you out of this situation. Please document all this and get somewhere safe.
I’m sorry but now that you know he will do things like this to your daughter, any future abuse she suffers is your fault as well. He left a mark on a baby out of anger. It doesn’t get worse than that. CPS, police report, photos, restraining order.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, but you need to take your baby and leave. This man is physically abusive. To an INFANT.
All of the above comments about abuse and gtfo of there, plus who in their right mind thinks inflicting pain on a baby will make them STOP crying? Does that j/a not have a compassionate bone in his body?
Document the abuse because that’s what it’s is. He is literally abusing your child!!!!!! Leave him and gone look back!!!
Wait?!? The baby was sleep, and he wanted to pinch her nose? For what? Why would he want to pinch her nose? Awake or asleep? I suggest getting out of that house immediately. He pinched hard enough to immediately bruise? I don’t know how you didn’t murder him right there. I would’ve lost my mind
I love my husband. I have been with him for 11 years. But if he intentionally hurt my daughter like that, that would be it. I would be gone and he would only ever see her when supervised.
Take her to a doctor or hospital. They will report to the authorities. Get a restraining order. Get her away from him.
This is the precursor to shaken baby syndrome. I am an ER nurse it is horrible and he needs help with his anger . Be safe leave asap and do not leave him alone with the baby.
Call the police now!!!!
Don’t leave your child alone with this man. Leave when you can and take your child.
This literally makes me feel sick. I am not going to sugar coat this: this man is violent. He intentionally inflicts physical pain on his own 6 month old baby and his wife – the two people he is supposed to love, cherish, honor or protect from harm.
He is the one you guys need protection from.
I don’t care if it does it “because he is frustrated and angry”. We all have those emotions sometimes. But we don’t abuse our own defenseless babies because of it.
If you let this go then it won’t be a bruise next time. He might end up shaking her or killing her.
He pinched your baby’s nose and left a big bruise. You know it hurt her because you heard her cry even harder. It makes me sick.
Leave him and never let him be alone with her. He is not capable of protecting her from harm. He is the harm.
If it bruised that quickly it means he did it incredibly hard. That is awful.
That is really concerning. He pinched her nose while she was crying which means it’s not one of those “oh I pinched to be cute kind of things and screwed up with how hard” to me it feels like a vindictive annoyance attack. Behavior like this very rarely gets better
What kind of complete psychopath physically attacks an INFANT?
RUN RUN RUN!!!
I would encourage you to talk to a counselor for crisis women. You need help that isn’t plausible through Reddit.
Just adding my two cents as a dad with a 6 month old. I couldn’t imagine touching a child in anger. This is nothing but plain abuse, obviously to your baby but also to you too. What you’ve shared about his anger his massively alarming. If this man stays in your life, its only going to get worse. I think you’ve decided on this already but for me the only real choice here is to leave for your babie’s safety and your own.
This is child abuse. Your child is a defenseless infant. Go for a medical evaluation asap because he could’ve shaken her and you not know yet, that can get dangerous fast!
He cannot be trusted with your child. Kids will push your buttons everyday. He clearly cannot tolerate children without harming them. Take her to a hospital. Take photos of the bruise. Call CPS. File a police report. It is YOUR duty to keep your child (and yourself) safe at this point. Don’t keep giving him chances until it is too late. Most child abuse comes from someone in the household unfortunately.
Best of luck and tons of hugs to you mama. This is not an easy road to journey on. But it is what MUST happen.
Don’t leave him alone with her. EVER. Take pictures
Sometimes I don’t know if these people are trolling. You obviously know how this is going to turn out right? He’s starting to abuse you, he’s starting to abuse a baby. He’s loosing his tempter when the baby cries. I would never leave him alone with the baby. He’s bound to have an “accident” one day. But, of course you don’t want to hurt him. Put on your grown up pants and make some grown up decisions.
Coming back to add that if you do not report this to CPS and someone else did…you would be viewed by the case workers as guilty as well, for covering up child abuse on your husbands behalf.
Even if you choose not to leave, to hear him out, get him in therapy, whatever – you STILL need to make that paper trail with CPS for a few reasons.
1) if this has happened this will more than likely not be the last time – abuse tends to get worse when they “get away” with it the first time, ask me how I know 🙃
2) to show caseworkers that you are a trusted and safe adult for your child to be around. You do not want someone else reporting this abuse and you not be a trusted person in your child’s safety plan.
Please don’t let her lose both parents. You may love him, but your child always comes first.
He is not safe.
Not for you, **NOT at all** for your baby.
There is *never ever* an excuse for purposely hurting a baby or child. Never.
Your baby is 💯 dependent on you and your husband for her survival. She cannot protect herself and she can’t even ask for help or tell someone that she’s being hurt.
Being hurt by the man who should instead be the person who would do absolutely anything to protect her from pain- and he is causing it.
I feel sick to my stomach.
I would make an appointment with the pediatrician for tomorrow. Do not tell your husband. Take someone with you. **REPORT THIS ABUSE.**
Call DCF. Do not tell your husband.
Get a lawyer.
Get away from him.
Maybe you need to hear this, I don’t know. But my relationship with my mom will never be a close mother-daughter relationship because she let me be abused by my dad and didn’t do shit to protect me.
People in the younger generation have much more language around abuse than they did 60 years ago. Your child will eventually know that you chose to stay with an abuser at the expense of their life, and may even hate you for it.
People shouldn’t touch other people to hurt them. The amount of force it took to bruise your arm – or harm your baby – is not reasonable or accidental in any way. It’s behavior that comes from anger, malice, and more.
You have to put space between baby and her father – like not in the same household space. It is *extremely disturbing* to me that he would pinch a baby’s nose. Your baby is absolutely defenseless, and his attack was on baby’s ability to BREATHE. It’s so scary.
You and your baby deserve to live, and I think your husband is a dangerous man who doesn’t have regard for the fragility of a baby, nor respect for you.
If he pinches your baby again, she’ll live. The bruise will fade. Her nervous system won’t ever forget it, but on the outside she’ll look normal.
If he gets really frustrated, and shakes her, even slightly, even for a couple of seconds, she could end up blind. She could end up deaf. She could have cerebral palsy.
SHE COULD DIE.
Leave now and protect your baby.
Will it get worse? Yes.
Will he change? No.
You need to leave. File a police report for the abuse to your daughter. You need to document everything you can. If he is hurting her now, it’ll only get way worse when she is old enough to talk back, deliberately break a rule, throw a toddler tantrum, etc. Please get you both out of there before it gets worse.
He is a grown ass man abusing your infant. Call your parents and get your child to safety. Even another child knows better than to pinch a baby or slap them.
I know this is terrifying and you are used to the cycle of anger and then intense love where he makes you feel so good. But that’s a tool in their playbook for abuse.
Abuse never stops and only escalates. This will get worse and every time it happens it sets the stage for the next time. You need to leave and protect your baby. The force of that pinch would have to be very very hard to bruise a nose that quickly as they don’t bruise easy to begin with.
Do not talk to your MIL. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she is trying to leave. Collect your important documents and your essentials and leave and don’t look back.
He’s physically abusing a BABY. You need to protect your child which means getting her away from him before he does permanent damage to her.
Wait….SLAP her *slightly*?!?! Are you kidding me? He’s been hitting your baby, pinching her nose to suffocate her into silence and you’re minimizing it?! You’re just as guilty if you don’t take action.
He is an abuser. He’s abusing your baby and you as well. His temper will cause him to severely injure her or worse because it doesn’t take much to injure an infant. Look up “Shaken Baby syndrome “. Some parents get so mad they shake their baby to make them be quiet and it can cause broken bones, severe brain damage or death. His hitting you shows he doesn’t care whether he hurts y’all or not.
If you take the baby to any dr or any person who is a “must report” person child services will get involved and they can take your baby if they believe she’s in unsafe conditions. You need to get out as soon as you can for y’alls safety and for the sake of keep your baby. Because believe me they will take your baby away over this and if yo undo nothing y’all could potentially both be charged w domestic cod the baby. They don’t play around when it comes to defenseless baby. When you leave him you must go to the hospital and get the baby checked. Also report him to the police because it must be documented that you fled an abuser and he hurt you & the baby and you went straight to the hospital to make sure the bay is well. If not and there are injuries that can’t be explained & you never sought help you’d go to jail with him.
Don’t tell him your plans. Just get your stuff together and leave when he goes to work. Turn off your location on your phone and tell who ever you end up staying with not to tell him you’re there or else he’ll come looking and it can get ugly.
He is too dangerous to stay with. Abusers do not stop once they get started. It only gets worse for all involved
This is hard to hear but any further abuse will be your fault as well. Because you have a place to go and get away from his abuse. If you stay anything else that happens you might as well done it yourself because you know this isn’t the first time this has happened.
He literally tried to suffocate her by closing her nose to stop the crying. This is child abuse. Stop making excuses for him and get the hell out asap
Oh my god, get out. Get the fuck out and away from this man. I cannot imagine what goes on when you aren’t around.
Real advice: you need to leave tonight or get him out. He hurt her to stop her from crying. The next time, he might shake her. Those injuries could be fatal or life-altering. He cannot be trusted around the child – not alone. Make sure to document this and call up CPS yourself. They can help you get the restraining order and start custody proceedings as well as setting up supervised visits while the case is pending.
I don’t want you regretting your inaction in a couple weeks after he’s killed her.
If you do not leave that piece of and protect your child, so help me god….