Hi! so i’m just looking for some advice, my wife and i’s relationship isn’t what it used to be and i feel like i can chalk most of that up to the fact that we’re now parents. Don’t get me wrong, i love the little stinker but it’s hard to keep the spark alive when you’re solely responsible for maintaining another life. (he is 19 months old)
i know that date nights help, but we can only afford one or two a month on current budgets. that leaves another 28 or 29 days unaccounted for. on our current schedule, kiddos usually in bed for the night sometime between 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. and we go to bed around midnight every night. i go to work about 9 a.m. and get off around 4 p.m. usually, and she works part time while i am at work. that leaves around 2 to 4 hours to ourselves, and honestly we’re usually worn out by that time and just want to relax or focus on our hobbies for a bit. There’s really not much time at all for romance unless we just let our kid stay at grandmas, but we can’t do that very often, so when we do have that time my wife says she doesn’t feel connected enough for sex or anything because we haven’t spent any intimate time together other than just then, which i totally understand.
it just feels like we’re losing more and more of the intimacy in our relationship and it’s really difficult to find the time to restore the intimacy unless we sacrifice our only personal time away from our kid.
just looking for realistic advice please.
4 comments
Become more intimate during the day while the child is around. Kiss, hold hands, touch each other, give your undivided attention to each other for 5 minute, talk about something that doesn’t involve the child, etc. Those are things that can make you feel more connected in the meantime and then she will hopefully be more in the mood for sex at night time.
Also, try putting the toddler to bed a bit earlier if possible.
I have an 11month old and just turned 2 year old. So this is my experience.
Start with simple things. You guys have 2-4 hours to be together once bub is asleep.
Make a nice dinner at home.
Watch a movie/ tv show that you both like .
Nights that we don’t do sex we are still talking about it. What we’d like to do next. Even if it doesn’t happen we just talk about fantasies.
Even if your having a basic dinner. Set up like a date make it fancy.
A board game, video game. Whatever it is. Do it. Whatever you enjoy it will help bring back that togetherness spark
Perhaps you could find a new hobby that you can do together to relax? Board games? Stick kiddo in their pram before bedtime routine and go for a walk together and talk. Make a fancy meal together just for the two of you, or maybe just pudding, and enjoy it together.
You no longer have time for all the elaborate stuff.. So you have to just settle for quickies learn how to do it fast and in a hurry and make a game out of it. Drag her into the walk in closet bend her over and Get it doggy style. Buy some sort of a toy especially for her and surprise her by using it on her. Just find fun ways to keep your relationship going It don’t have to be time away from the house or away from the kid you just have to be creative.