Update:
He finally answered – 3 days later – saying he’s very sad that I think those things, but sounds like we really are in different places, so…goodbye.
Why do people do this? If he wasn’t into me, why dating me? To pull the plug the next day?
If you tell someone that “I will hurt you, I don’t want anything”…that’s the same as saying: “Ok. Come and start working here tomorrow, but we will never hire you, in fact, we will be looking for the right person to hire for the job, so we will hurt you in the end”.
It’s not: “If you want, you can start working tomorrow, but right now we’re not hiring. We’ll see what the future brings”.
This is putting you in a “it’s your choice” position. Expect the worst, but the future is uncertain, so let’s see.
But: “We know we will never hire you, yet come to work while we’re looking for the right candidate”. This is treating you like shit, but sugar coating it with “What we have here is beautiful. I really like you – but I will never hire you, because you are not the right person.”
And if you say, well, if you’re so sure about it, that means you really don’t want me or see me as a canditate at all, so, in that case, I’m out…
“Oh, no. I feel hurt. Why don’t you want to stay? Well. I guess we better break the deal then”
​
Painful
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That is it. After slow fading and being hot and cold, inconsistent, pushing me and pulling me away, we talked about this. He said what we had was beautiful, he wasn’t expecting, he feels very attracted to me and loves being with me (and wants to keep doing it)
But he (knows) can’t give me what I want and will hurt me.
I said I wasn’t expecting marrying him, just to let things flow. But if he already knows he’s not going to stay or to be too involved, to me it’s clear there’s an ex or someone else in the picture.
So we ended whatever this was, because we were just causing pain to each other.
We agreed to talk in person this week, and at the same time it sounded like we agreed to go back to what we had (the beautiful chemistry and connection and attraction)
But a day went by, he skipped work….
So after thinking…I sent him a message explaining that I like him more than he likes me, I really liked what we had, but I can’t feel comfortable in a one side situation with someone who already knows he’ll leave. That I need a man that wants me the same way, that is in this to see where it goes, and takes the lead too, instead of putting me in a unknown position making me have an erratic behavior that I don’t want.
I said I was sad it ended and now I had to mourn the end.
He never answered…
I’m so sad. I really like this guy and what (I thought) we had…
And I’m confused. By walking away, I’ll never know if the end was caused by me, or if I’m right and he just wasn’t that into me.
6 comments
I had same situation with spiritual girl (into zodiac and spirits and energy) i actually did the same thing.
>(and wants to keep doing it)
He dont see you as potential future partner for some reason . But he stil see you interesting and he want to have the fun or the unique experience .(casual)
It could be there is some other girl or actually there is no one around in this moment but he have in his mind a idea of the women who want to commit to and he is wating to meet her .
>But he (knows) can’t give me what I want and will hurt me.
He is really trying to put you in the picture that this only casual temporary thing he dosent want to mislead you .
>I said I wasn’t expecting marrying him, just to let things flow.
That also have been said to me from that spiritual girl almost actually a little blamed me why i didnt go with flow and just being honest ,and i thougt that the worst thing to do because
I have been with another girl for 1 year that she was going with the flow but she didnt tell me ,and i was serious about realation so when she broke up with me ,
it just ended up me hurting me real bad .
so thats why i am very clear towards other girl thats i am meeting or dating about what i really want with them cuz i dont want them to be hurt like i have been hurt .
>And I’m confused. By walking away, I’ll never know if the end was caused by me, or if I’m right and he just wasn’t that into me.
Its just didnt meant to be ,it is no one fault its just the circumstances didnt let the realation to go further.
Be glad he didnt trick you and saved for you alot of time and effort , And now you can focus on finding another man thats see you as potential partner.
I will say from experience: when a man says that he cannot give you what you want, just believe him. If he says that he is a bad boy, believe him too.
Yes, you had a relationship, everything was fine, but he did not want and does not see a future with you.
Take care of yourself! You did everything right and it is right, a man should have the same values and want the same, then there will be a healthy and happy relationship.
Time is healing!
You didn’t “cause” it. The chemistry just wasn’t there. The age difference was probably a contributing factor.
You’re right, he just wasn’t that into you.
Guys who date older women often aren’t looking for anything serious. They’ll date older women casually, and when they get serious about finding someone they’ll date someone their age or younger.
Why aren’t you consistent with your age statements? In other posts you are 43 and he is 29
Why would a man, who’s 10 years younger than you, want someone that’s 40 plus?