So, I received an anonymous letter in the mail stating that my fiancé of two years has been cheating on me throughout our relationship & during my pregnancy. When I showed my fiancé the letter he stated that “he didn’t know who would send a letter like that & that it’s probably someone trying to start tension in our relationship. Initially I agreed & didn’t have a reason to think the letter had any truth to it. But when I think about it again, just two weeks prior, he randomly gave me the silent treatment & whenever I asked him what was wrong he wouldn’t respond. After a whole day going by, he finally told me he wasn’t talking to me because he felt unappreciated. Now, should I feel concerned about this anonymous letter? How should I proceed?
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Was it post marked? Or did someone drop it off themselves? I would be concerned. Not a lot of people would go out of their way to make up something false. Especially something this terrible. It’s worth looking into. Whoever it was seemed to know a lot of information.
>Now, should I feel concerned about this anonymous letter? How should I proceed?
I assume you have a working BS meter.
His reaction to your showing him the letter seemed convincing enough, yes?
The earlier silent treatment could have been for any number of things unrelated to alleged cheating: a lot of guys pour everything into being there for a partner who’s expecting their child, and it doesn’t take much for some guys to feel that all that effort goes “unappreciated”.
You’ll need a lot more than ^that before you openly second-guess your initial meter-reading,
but if you can’t keep it in, then just ask him point-blank, yes or no, if he’s ever cheated on you, but there will be fallout, if you’re wrong.
Somebody is trying to warn you please do not trust him. Do a deep dive into his stuff.
he’s obviously cheating no one would send a letter like that just to stir up drama
Time to go into fbi mode. I would treat this as a warning. Kinda weird it seemed like he didn’t deny it or explain anything or be angry about being accused. If it was me an innocent party I would be livid someone is trying to ruin my family and I would find that crap out immediately.
Don’t believe any bullshit in an anonymous letter unless there are particular details. No one would out someone for cheating without a shred of evidence.
I know myself. And I think most men would be really freaked out if I weren’t cheating and my wife received something like that. It would mean I have a secret, crazy ass enemy who is trying to ruin my life, and is willing to hurt a pregnant woman to do it. So either he (or you) have a mortal enemy or there is truth to the letter. I’m sorry but neither scenario is good. I would dig deeper with your husband, this definitely isn’t something I’d shrug off if I were him and innocent.
Huh, he didn’t deny it? Say he loves you and would never do that?
Either way, it’s doubtful that the letter is fake. How would they know your address? Did they include any details? Anything specific?
Were there any other times he acted strange?
Do your research (quietly go through the apps on his phone, quietly go through his computer, etc), but don’t make a move until you have some more concrete evidence. I’m sure if he’s cheating he will have left some evidence somewhere.
The letter is generic. Why not give a name? Unless it came from the person he’s cheating with. I would keep an eye on it.
Why did you tell him about the letter? You should have done some due diligence before telling him. Now he’ll become more careful and hide it better (if he’s cheating)
You shouldn’t blindly trust anyone- neither the letter nor your bf
Was there any proof, or contact details?
If not, then you shouldn’t do anything off just the letter. You should match it to his behaviour over the period they claim he was cheating. If there were problems during this time with his attitude or behaviour then the letter is probably genuine.
As for what you do, we’ll you can either end it, and have a chance that the letter is fake, or keep the relationship going, and have a chance that it was real.
Could it be a neighbor that is concerned? I’m thinking since he works from home, a neighbor might have seen the other party coming over when you are at work.
Wait…a 31 year old adult gave you the “silent treatment” because they felt “unappreciated”!? Nah that’s when I would have ended the marriage
Maybe he wrote the letter. It’s weird he wasn’t like angry or shocked or anything.
Giving you the silent treatment is immature and his reason is even more immature.
“I am anxious about this letter. Please let me have your phone right now. I love you, we have a child coming, and this is either someone intentionally hurting us for unknown reasons or there is truth. Let me rule out truth so we can start hammering on those unknown reasons. I am not willing to wait because I am concerned that if there is truth, you would delete things.”
And go from there.
But op. He’s cheating or there is something really bad happening you’re unaware of.
Can I ask a question because I’m confused as fuck and just want to understand. In a comment, you say you’re in your third trimester now. But 3 months ago, you posted that you were 6 weeks postpartum.
Unless I’m mathing wrong, it’s only possible you’d be 19 weeks, and that’s stretching belief because I’m pretty sure that means you’d have gotten pregnant WHILE pregnant.
I’m tired, so my brain isn’t firing on all cylinders.
He isn’t trying to prove himself or make you feel secure. He’s not talking to you because he can’t tell the truth. Instead he is blaming you and making himself out to be the victim. Classic cheater defense. Someone wanted to give heads up because he wasn’t going to. They were probably lied to as well and found out he was married. Now it’s time for you to start investigating on your own discreetly. He is in cover his tracks mode.
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My first thought is I’m worried for you marrying and having a child with someone who just gives silent treatment because he feels under appreciated instead of talking to you like a grown adult. Also his reaction is really odd for someone that has no idea what is going on and hasn’t cheated.
Time to get a ring camera….you said he works from home. The person knows your address. Knows your names. I agree with other comments. Either someone is genuinely messing with you. Or he is cheating. A ring camera definitely show if he was inviting anyone over or leaving. Of course he’d know you now know. I’m not saying record him without him knowing. Btw.
The most important thing right now is to protect your health and the health of the baby. They probably did STD testing early in the pregnancy but you need to talk to your OB now about possible recent exposure. And no, don’t trust him to come clean just because your baby’s life is at stake.
I personally would play it cool a day or 2 and then ask to see his phone. He may have deleted evidence once you showed him the letter but might get comfortable and stop deleting.
If you are on sm, make a public post that you got something in the mail but no name and you’d love to talk to your anonymous friend “lol”. Most ppl will assume you got a baby gift with no name, but the letter writer might step forward. Because I’m sure they are watching you.
Either it’s a jealous thirsty ass person trying to get you/ruin the relationship or it’s somebody he broke off a thing with and this is their payback. Could it be a prank? Absolutely, but there are far more fun pranks than ruining a relationship. What’s your gut say? Because that’s rarely ever wrong unless there’s serious jealousy issues or other possible mental things. All I know if I was in a relationship, I wasn’t cheating and somebody sent that to us, I’d do everything in my power to find that turd of a person.
Odds are it’s not a prank though and you might have some uncomfortable questions/decisions to make. If you don’t deal with it seriously, there will always be lingering doubt in the back of your mind. Keep in mind the only time I’ve heard of or known people to have something similar happen, it turned out to be true.
Ask for the phone
If Reddit says he is cheating, he is cheating. Take screenshots of everything, get a lawyer and divorce.
I’d do some very thorough digging. There have been plenty of posts on Reddit where one partner is falsely accused because someone wants to break them up (some batshit crazy MIL), or someone else who wanted the partner for themselves.