I’ve been asked this question many times throughout my life. I am “the quiet one”. I was asked this in school, at gatherings and in university meetings

And I still don’t have the answer.

I love speaking but sometimes it’s overwhelming when I’m not comfortable or in group settings. I can’t help that.

46 comments

  1. One time I answered with “I don’t have anything to say”, it made the questioner laugh

  3. 99.99% sure people who ask that question don’t actually want the answer to it.

    🤷🏼‍♀️

  4. You can say “I didn’t want to talk to you”. That’s definitely not the right answer, but it’d be kinda funny.

  6. Usually, people are only asking this because they are worried you feel uncomfortable or like you can’t voice your thoughts due to a sense of exclusion or anxiety. I’d just let them honestly know how you feel, and that is that. They might be trying to find ways to make you more comfortable or something.

  7. I’ve noticed over the year that question only gets asked by younger people. Most adults don’t tend to care if your quiet. At least in my experience anyway.

  8. > I love speaking but sometimes it’s overwhelming when I’m not comfortable or in group settings.

    That’s a pretty good answer right there.

    Regardless of what answer you actually give, you should know that them asking is almost always them trying to start a conversation.

  13. Look up “exit statement” online and tailor it to your specific case (I know it’s not the exact same situation but the idea could easily be modified to fit this situation!)

    I’m currently working on two quiet kids right now in my DnD group. I set them across the table from me (I’m the DM) so they have to raise their voice. It’s a soft skill and not everyone learns it. I taught both my kids, but a lot of people accidentally teach the opposite – sit still and be quiet.

    There are places you can go to work on this skill. For example join a DnD group at a local game shop, or go to their board game night. Or join a public speaking club, or go to the bar or professional event in your field (you can order cranberry soda if you don’t drink). Someplace loud where you have to speak up, and people are basically guaranteed will start conversations with you.

  19. Make strong eye contact and aggressively shit your pants. Maintain eye contact, this is key. Also, the shitting has to be AGRESSIVE for this to work

  20. Because I wanna be.
    Nunya business.
    Fuckoff (in chicken bocking sound)
    Why do you talk so much?

    Any of those are my go to’s!

  23. “It’s who I am”

    “I enjoy listening to the conversation”

    Or more confrontational “why does it bother you?”

  25. I prefer to listen.

    I don’t have much to say.

    I’m concentrating/ focused. (I use this at work.)

  28. “I like the sound of shitting my pants”

    Jokes aside, as someone said when people ask you this question it’s usually some form of banter, you DON’T want to reply with something serious of God-forbids edgy. The best reply would be some kind of joke fitting with your group sense of humor

  29. They are a few ways you can answer this from polite to being rude or sarcastic.

    I like the middle ground and redirect their question with a question which is “Why do you ask?” Or “Nothing, why do you ask?”

    If I think they are mocking me or not as friendly sometimes I say “I was waiting for a turn I didn’t want to be rude”.

    “No reason, but now I am wondering why does my silence bother you?”

    “I don’t have something nice to say or add so I rather be quiet”.

  30. Ans: don’t ask people why are you quiet…
    I’ve seen many excessive talkers…but i’ve never said why you talk too much… thats rude💀

  32. I usually say, “Sorry, I get stuck in my head sometimes, and I can’t get out.”

    they usually chuckle and start asking me questions to actually make me included in the circle. Don’t fade out. Stay engaged.

  33. As someone else pointed out, telling them truth that you’ve told us is already the best response. If they try to “suggest” how to overcome being overwhelmed, it’s very telling of them imo.

    Here are some of my responses ranging from snarky to explanatory:

    1. I like being quiet.
    2. I like listening more.
    3. Is that bad?
    4. Some people are talkers, some people are listeners.
    5. Some people talk a lot, and some people just talk less. Everyone is different. (This was to my very small cousin so I tried to explain it in a way she could understand while also explaining that it’s okay)

  35. “That’s an interesting question. How would you feel if I turned it around and asked why you’re so loud?”

  36. I usually say “what can I say I’m really enjoying everyone’s company and listening to everything” with a warm smile

  37. If it’s someone I’m close with I will usually give them an honest answer.

    Otherwise my go to is saying I’m really tired or didn’t sleep well.

  38. Honestly if someone is asking you straight up why you are quiet their social skills aren’t 100% either so I wouldn’t worry so much. Keep it light hearted.

  39. “I’m planning on how to kill you and leave no evidence.” Look them dead in the eyes and say it with a stone cold face, shuts them up real quick. (I don’t actually think of killing people for legal purposes, if my therapist reads this. No you didn’t)

  42. I was bullied a lot in school and gradually became more quiet and distant with everyone.

    Years went by and I was still the quiet kid who got bullied relentlessly (pushed, kicked, thrown sand in face, had rocks thrown at me)

    We got a new principal, and she went around the classes to introduce herself to everyone, super nice and friendly and almost like a grandma.
    Days later I was sitting alone studying and she walked past me, and I could hear her stop, turn around and walk up to me. She introduced herself again and asked me how my day was so far. I told a basic and short story about my day.
    And we then just sat and talked.

    She then asked the question and I simplified responded:

    “No one listens to me anyway, that’s why I’m quiet”

    And I could see in her eyes that something clicked, her face looked blank. She then seemingly snapped out of it, looked at me and smiled and told that everything is going to be fine as she stood up and walked away.

    A few weeks later we got this seminar by this nonprofit group that talked extensively about bullying. And almost half the teacher population was let go because they didn’t didn’t intervene or do anything about the situation.

    And the school became better at dealing with bullying, there where still the odd case and cyber bullying was also a thing. But it became a better environment.

  44. “I hate it when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.”- Keanu Reeves

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