I’m lucky that I have a few different friendship groups who I see fairly regularly. However we always meet up as a whole group and I’ve realised that I’m craving one-on-one friendships, where you can have deeper conversations and really get to know someone. I’ve also realised that group settings add to my anxiety/insecurity around friendships as I feel like I might be everyones ‘least favourite’ in the group. I tend to also come away from them not feeling fully satisfied as I am more of an introvert who values deeper connections
The tricky thing is that it would seem weird to try and meet up with just one of my friends from the group as the others might feel excluded – I can’t think of a valid excuse for only asking to meet up with one (e.g., living round the corner from one). Should I try to build up one-on-one friendships with my existing friends, or focus on making some friendships instead? Curious to see if anyone else has experienced a similar issue!
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Groups give the illusion of friendships, but true friendship is really made one-on-one. As these friends are probably doing with each other, with no worries at all about excluding you.
So pick someone you have a good rapport with and ask them to do something one-on-one! You don’t need a ‘valid excuse’ you just need to want to do it.
Interesting. I’m currently in the opposite situation. I had a “friend group” up until a few years ago. When I divorced, for some reason that led the queen bee to ditch me.
So I focused on the other friendships I had outside of that group. Its about 3 individuals, all of whom I’m close with, but none of whom know each other and are widely spread geographically and as far as interests.
I know I’m very fortunate to have any truly genuine friends, let alone 3. And while I don’t miss the “friend group” people, the gossip, the catty behavior I sometimes saw, I DO miss the ladies nights, the group text memes, the update pics of everybody’s drinks on a Saturday evening (if we weren’t all together). Idk-it’s a different vibe. I love what I have but I miss this, too.
It’s funny, i have the exact reverse problem. Lot’s of individual relationships, but i miss times before in my life where i hung out more in groups. Ive felt quite a lot of sadness because of this, since i really miss being a part of a bigger group. Reading your post kinda gave me perspective on how subjective my perceived problems are.
I deeply value one on one friendships for the longer and more meaningful conversation. But I also crave a small group setting where things are more casual and there’s less burden on any one person to contribute to the conversation.
I don’t currently have a friend group, and I find it difficult to ask a friend to hang out since it can come across as weirdly intimate. These aren’t problems I’d have if I were part of a group
I think we all need a mix of both! It’s sometimes fun to have big group experiences, but those one-on-one connections are super important. As others have said, you don’t need a valid reason to reach out to someone, but having a specific activity is a good idea. Instead of “Lets hang out sometime,” try “Hey, would you be interested in doing (X) on Friday?
A good friend and I sometimes hang out one-on-one, sometimes as couples with our significant others, and sometimes in groups. The mix of interactions keeps things interesting and gives us more to talk about and bond over.
I also have “sub-groups” of friends that I know like specific things. That could be fun if you have small groups of friends that like music, art, movies, hiking, sports, etc and can bond over that.