Was on a date with a girl and the conversation turned to having friends of the opposite sex. She was complaining that she couldn’t seem to make guy-friends that were single. Every time they interpreted her friendlyness as flirting and such. I went on to mention a great friendship I have with a girl. I talked about how it was so great bc we get eachother and can talk about all kinds of things etc. etc.
She then says: Wow, so how come you aren’t dating her?
I didn’t say this to her but my thought was: “Wait….. didn’t you JUST FINISH complaining that you can’t seem to build a deep friendship with a guy???”
Am I just nitpicking for thinking this? I don’t think so bc to me it perpetuates the very issue she’s talking about ppl automatically assuming there must be a romatic connection simply bc the two of you get along and have different parts?
8 comments
I think next time you should say what you’re thinking because that would’ve been a perfectly reasonable thing for you to ask and you would’ve been able to gauge her thinking if you had done so. I think it’s important that you ask her that because I would be a little bit wary of any connection that she has with a single guy friend now that she has said that to you. Maybe it’s the way that you were talking about her? Were you hyping her up a lot? She might have got a little bit jealous if she’s into you and maybe that’s why she said it but next time just speak your mind because whatever your response was to why you’re not dating her is going to replay in her mind now over and over again.
Maybe the question was about HOW she can apply some magical procedure to become just friends with someone, the same way you ended up.
Its a normal thing to ask, i guess what she was saying was “how did you guys go against the “norm” and develop a friendship rather than date, like so many people expect you would”
Lol she got jealous 🤣
She should know the answer to that question is that you two don’t think the other is attractive. That’s how male-female friendships happen.
Yo dude, women are gonna hate on me but she’s asking you because she wants to know how close to your friend you are.
>She then says: Wow, so how come you aren’t dating her?
You: You’re right! I should have been dating her all along! Thanks for helping me see the light! I’m going to call her right now! Bye!
Soooo loool .. going a little bit against here not because I disagree with everyone (they do be right) buuuttt
Oftentimes regarding having friends of the opposite sex, the tone, adjectives and the excitement is judged at really harshly ~
Like for example .. I myself have an almost equal number of male and female friends (I do make it a point not to be friendly which anyone who seem like they’re interested in me) but when it comes to dating I don’t necessarily mention the gender because to me, it doesn’t matter .. my friends are my friends not because they are male or female but because we are compatible as friends and support each other differently, and If conversation comes up I talk about all of them together.
Now to me that’s what friendship means .. but if I meet this one dude who talks extensively about this one female friend that he has versus a lot of other friends (male/female) that definitely raises alarm because that tells me instinctively that this person is very important to them (because hey if everyone else is equally important you’d talk about them too~) and it’s quite natural to assume latent romantic feelings because the world is always trying to sell you friendship = romance
So grain of salt everywhere ~