Men, what are you teaching your sons that your father never taught you?

44 comments

  4. I will teach my kids (not only my sons):

    Too much Laissez-faire in raising your kids and letting them tumble like a leaf in the wind until they find out that it would have been important to do something for school themselves is not good.

    Also, that there actually IS a tomorrow and that it would be a good idea to make plans for that and put something aside and get your shit in order instead of leaving a big fat dump for your kids to sort out when something bad happens.

    I will also teach my kids that if you want to have “your freedom” all of your life, then please just do not create children.

    I mean, my parents have kind of been great parents. They never ever hit us and gave us a lot of freedom and shit. But in their dream to make everything better and different then their own superstrict parents (Mom AND Dads side)… the fucked a lot up where a little bit of rules would have been good. Thankfully i do not have a Hippie Name.

  6. Choose your friends wisely. My dad not only completely skipped that lesson, causing me years of grief from having the wrong friends, but both my parents were openly critical and negative when I would end toxic friendships in my early adulthood.

  13. Don’t be afraid of what people think of you. As long as you aren’t a complete asshole, of course.

  14. How to weld. Also how to code robots.

    Edit: I’m also teaching my daughter.

  15. My younger brother, actually, but:

    ​

    – how to stand up for yourself
    – how to deal with money
    – how to face your fears
    – how to take care of your finances, budget and plan
    – how to cook and to clean the house
    – how to schedule a week and take care of his responsibilities
    – how to be proud of who he is
    – how to be strong, kind and generous
    – how to deal with complex emotions

  16. That his existence is valid even if he is not always what I want him to be.

  19. There are other successful career paths that aren’t just a doctor or lawyer

  22. My son is autistic and I’m on the spectrum. So A LOT. Example right now, my son came to my bed around 5am. I didn’t complain. He got scared I was gone just like I did when I was his age. My dad just got angry. I’m holding my son’s hand as he sleeps

  23. Everything I know and understand about money. With the caveat that my understanding is incomplete.

  24. Teach him all about the woman. He needs to be able to navigate the dating market. To be like Jack Sparrow or something….

  26. That reading is so key to everything.

    That it’s important to invest and not just save.

    That things won’t always go as you wish and that frustration increases suffering.

    To not wish that things were easier, but try to get better.

    To try and focus on the solution rather than complaining about the problem.

    That there’s no point worrying. Put you energy into taking action.

    Ask questions and listen more.

    Relax and have fun.

  27. Well, my situation is odd. My father wasn’t really around; it’s odd in that it was a great home notwithstanding. But there are still things I had to learn on my own. It’s a life goal of mine to be a good father. Here are some values I hope to highlight to my sons, if I am lucky enough to have any.

    Love given is a verb, love received is unconditional. It’s a bit of a paradox. To love takes action. But my love for my sons will be unrequited. No need to earn it. Just enjoy it.

    Self advocacy. It’s okay to ask for more than you were given if done without greed. Asking for help isn’t giving up; it’s a refusal to lose.

    Self care and independence. This one was hard for me. So much of my life, especially as the eldest sibling, has been spent giving and forgiving.

    Interact with your environment. I can’t count how many great people I’ve met just by asking if I can take their picture because they look happy together. The world is low on places to meet people and it’s getting narrower. Manufacture your own spaces to be human.

    No matter who or what you are, you are important. This sounds sappy, but it’s true. My background is biology and it’s astounding to learn how many rare attributes have proved pivotal in human evolution. I live with ADHD and distractability is hard, but it was likely a foundational trait for hunters & gatherers. In short, our differences are part of what makes us great.

    Last and certainly not least, cherish family (and family runs wider than blood). When you are about to fire up your XBox 19, hold off 10 minutes and call grandma. Or instead, invite your buddies over and cook lunch. Community is key to health and wellness. Be a part of it.

  28. I’m not married or have a kid but if I’m a dad I will teach them on how to deal with women’s emotions better. As I grew up I realise my dad was abusive towards my mom and and was manipulative towards me. I feel like he could have been a better person if he understood women better.

    He died when I was 20. I’m 30 now. Deep down I was glad he was gone so I don’t have to deal with him anymore.

  29. Taught them they have to earn their value. Work hard, their entire life, nothing comes easy

  30. I was born in 1960 guess that makes me a boomer but I act more like a Gen X. Being raised by old school World War II people had its issues. I decided not to thrash my children for everything they did wrong and for every little punishment. I taught my son to express himself more emotionally and not take s*** from anybody. My particular generation and culture the children were raised very strict and standing up for yourself as a young person well got you hit. I decided to break that tradition and make my children stand up and be stronger.

  34. My son just turned five. I invite him to help me or at least watch me do everything from lawn work, changing lightbulbs, grocery shopping, watch me get the flu shot, check in at the airport. I’m the youngest of five, and my parents did not have time or patience to let their kids be such a part of the business of a family. He is usually game for most things, so it’s been fun so far.

    I’m trying hard to manage emotions and show love and empathy. I don’t result to yelling or violence when I am angry or scared. My parents rarely shared a loving embrace with each other. They divorced when I was 15. Communicating and expressing emotion is not some thing that came easy to my dad or me, and I think it’s important for individual stability and relationships with others.

  37. I don’t have children yet but if I had I would make sure they understand that they don’t owe me anything for taking care of them until they are autonomous adults.
    I choose to have children with the responsibilities that go with it. They don’t choose to be born. They don’t owe me anything for that.

  38. Online safety.

    The Internet didn’t exist when I was a kid. In fact, that’s something I taught my father.

  40. Life is not fair.

    You have to work hard to get something. And sometimes people are bad and make bad decisions knowingly to negatively affect you.

  42. That’s saying I love you is not “gay”. I also hug his bitch ass as often as I can. Showing your son affection is not a sign of weakness. Love your sons.

  44. That you should apologize when you’re wrong, even if you’re an adult and the person you wronged is your kid.

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