I don’t even know if this makes sense
I have a habit of talking more about myself than others. I didn’t really have friends or a relationship with my family growing up, so all my social skills are learned from talking to myself in the mirror which has its drawbacks – namely not thinking about how to learn and listen about the other person
I have this person who I really want to be friends with. I thought we were getting along well – and I still think we are – but I’ve noticed that reflecting on the conversations that there’s a lot of things I want to know about them that I don’t because I simply forgot to ask. As an example, they recently got a new job, but I forgot to ask about how the new job is or even where it’s at. Things like that. Because our conversations are so natural, i don’t really think to actually ask about them more – but I do want to know! It’s not like I’m not interested, I just simply forget that they’re probably not gonna tell me unless I ask
Does anyone else do this or used to do this? And if so, what are your little practices to battle against this habit?
I worry that I’m coming across as a selfish conversationalist which… by definition, I kinda am at the moment
I thought about bringing it up to them and saying basically what’s in this post (minus the part about why I’m like this), and seeing if that helps (at least maybe assuring them that I am interested in them and their life too)
2 comments
I have the opposite problem. Might try the mirror thing you mentioned
Memorize this little nugget: “*And how about you?*”
Say it as often as you can remember to, especially if you notice you are talking about yourself. You can continue with a question related to what you just were talking about, such as “do you also do this thing I do I was just talking about?”. It works. People love to talk about themselves, and that also applies to those who let you talk about yourself.
You will find your conversation will feel better if you make it about getting the other person to talk about themselves.
You already figured out that it’s not necessarily the best to always talk about yourself, now translate that to action. Just remember to use the pivot words: “*And how about you?*”