Me and my gf both have very little relationship experience. She also goes to college and is in a sorority. She hasn’t done anything to make me fear breaking up at all. She’s already posted me a couple times on her insta stories, she’s told me she loves me, she already introduced me to her parents and sh e genuinely seems fine on the phone or in person, she gave me her location without asking which she only gives to her roommate and a couple close friends and her sisters. We’ve been going on dates for about 2 months and have officially been a couple for about 2 weeks. Recently she’s been giving less effort over text and that’s been making me super anxious like why isn’t she sending as much “:)” anymore or why is she sending different hearts then she used to really dumb stuff of course but it’s definitely something I’ve picked up one. She’ll also leave me on delivered for longer periods of time. Went from at most 3 hours to now up to 6-7 hours. I feel like I have to give more effort over text. In person everything is fine and when I call her everything is fine. Is she not a good texter? If so was was she in the beginning? One example when everything was new and she was out late she would text “just got back 🙂 goodnight 💗” to now “we just got back” how should I talk about this to her ?
TL;DR
My new girlfriend hasn’t been giving as much effort over text as she did in the beginning but is perfectly fine over text and in person but that’s giving me relationship anxiety because I like how she used to text me.
4 comments
Looks like the shine of a super new relationship is fading. Totally normal. Pretty soon, asking her out on a date will turn into waving a slice of pizza in front of her face and grunting.
I’m being silly but you get my point. This is comfort. Comfort is good.
Man, this’ll sound boomer-ish, but texting and constant connection has really done a number on young relationships.
Honestly though, this just sounds pretty normal. It’s not like she’s ignoring you or whatever. If she’s telling you everything is good as gravy and the only difference is the number of heart emojis, I wouldn’t think a bit more on it.
Do you remember your first week or two with her? I bet you guys could talk for hours.
But I bet you don’t anymore. That pace can’t be kept up. notes, texts etc is the same way. As your relationship gets more time. You can’t just focus on each other 100% or keep up the pace on those things. You both got lives to take care off. When you see each other so much, theres no need to text.
You have a self esteem problem, but more than that, you are addicted the dopamine you get from receiving a text. Not a good thing. When yo don’t get your little fix of dopamine you start associating it with something negative. not good.
Detach and accept things as they are. Accept any and all consequences. Believe in your worth and have faith in her and accept whatever she is willing to give you.
You have nothing to discuss with her. If you get too clingy or crazy about silly things, you will only be the cause of failure for your relationship.
Relationships just like asking a girl out, are best done with confidence and faith that the other person can see your worth.
I have dated so many people from the very start of txting and it is just so easy to tell when things change. It is probably easier to tell when things change from txting than any other way there is.
I have had this both ways too where the person can tell things have changed with me because I am not txting as much. Of course everyone says the same thing, “I have just been busy” means something has changed but I don’t want to end this yet, I am trying to figure out what to do.
At this point, if this happens to me I just slow my responses down even more than them. Then it either gets back to normal quickly or ends quickly. If you bring it up it will just be about how they have been busy.