I made plans to have a girl from university over at my place at 6pm. I’m returning to university post-military, so I have a house. She and I had already hung out on campus, and she actually made the proposal herself during conversation to check out my place and play some pool in my garage.
Around 6:30p, she texts saying she was caught up studying for her nursing boards (about 2 weeks out from test day). She comes over about 7pm, we play some pool, we talk, we laugh, we eat some snacks, we play some VR Beat Saber. 8pm comes and she needs to leave, so we hug and she leaves. I didn’t make any attempts to give her a kiss or anything because I felt weird about her.
I’m a homeowner, I have a couple cars, and she was asking and pleasantly surprised to hear I’m doing well for myself with my only debt being the house. Which, I mean, I dunno. It’s a point of pride of accomplishment and hard work, but still feels weird in talking about it.
Now, pool was fine, but it was really weird during VR. She tried it out, really liked it, and then just kind of…..kept playing repeatedly without even asking if I’d like to play for like 10-15 minutes. I let it ride because I wanted to see how she would behave and it is very fun especially for your first time, so I was just cheering for her. However, when she did stop, she immediately wanted to know what other games I had, and presumably the puzzled look on my face made her ask if I also wanted to play Beat Saber. I said yes, played one song, she was pumped and impressed with my sick expert level skills lol, but then still wanted to try something else immediately. I told her about what I had, but that Beat Saber was probably the best party style game. Then she saw it was 8pm, and said she needed to leave, church in the morning. Granted, she is an international student at my university from Ethiopia and attends an Ethiopian Orthodox Church, so that’s fine.
It was just weird how she seemed very focused on her own fun, I guess? Especially during the VR stuff, but even from the beginning how she was late and didn’t notify me until 30 minutes after the start time. I dunno. The night ended with me feeling like she was just here to evaluate my home and standing, and to maximize her fun with little regard for me. She has a phobia of dogs anyway, so I guess that wouldn’t work out since I have a dog which had to be locked in my bedroom during the date.
Am I overthinking things?
5 comments
I think it she enjoyed the video games, but it doesn’t really sound like she’s interested in you romantically. I wouldn’t have invited her over to your house on the first date even if she asked. Just say “that’s a great idea” and then ask her on a date for something else. The idea is to get her on a date and get to know her slowly with fun, inexpensive dates at first. That way you know that her interest in you is in fact romantic when you ask her on a date and use the word “date” and again when you go for the kiss rather than hanging out to see your place. And not showing her all your toys or talking about them from the jump weeds out the potential gold diggers. But I would say that she isn’t really interested with her showing up 30 minutes late without much notice and then leaving at 8pm because of church the next day. And with the dog issue, it’s probably better that way.
you’re over-thinking. she seems to have good boundaries and respect as far as letting you know she’s running late and why, and then not over-staying late into the night. either that or there was a party at 10pm that she had to go to and she needed to go get ready.
first date being about an hour is more than reasonable, even if you hear about some first dates lasting for hours and going to 2 or 3 different places and looking into each other’s eyes.
just spend more time with her and find out more about her. in this day and age, we are so quick to dismiss people we go out with, as if we’ll find another one easily for next weekend, that if they are just a little bit human, we think there must be something wrong.
the phobia about dogs and you having a dog, is a potential deal-breaker though, unless she can overcome it and enjoy the time with you and your dog.
Overthinking it.
Ethiopia is a 3 rd world country, right? I imagine she never had anything like VR gaming and was truly intrigued by it. To you, it might be whatever, to her, it might have very well been the coolest thing she’s ever seen .
I think you are overthinking it. The video game thing is not a big deal imo if she was your guest and you told her to play, she probably didn’t realize you expected it back so quick. I’m not sure how the homeowner and car talk came up, but it could’ve just been natural getting to know you questions, too early to see if she’s a gold digger if that’s what you’re implying. As for the timing thing did you guys have concrete plans to meet at 6 or did you just say around 6? because she could have assumed you just meant around then. If you liked her I would say give it another go hanging out because it’s too early to really know if she has the negative traits you fear (tardiness, money obsession) based on just this and first dates/hangouts can often be a little awkward. I would just ask her next time if she can get there earlier or give you more notice if she’s gonna be running late.