Okay, so my (29F) boyfriend (27M) of 4 years got a call from his friend (23F), who asked him to be her plus one at the grad ball next week. It was a bit surprising because they don’t really talk anymore, however from what I know they used to be good friends in the past. I don’t know this girl, I saw her only once two years ago and that’s all. He said to her that he had a girlfriend etc but she asked him to think about it anyway and let her know. The thing is that he didn’t ask me if he can go but as we were talking it turned out he actually would like to go there. He said no only because he thought I would be against it. Now I keep thinking if I should tell him that it’s fine and he can go, or not… in the end it’s his decision to make but I just don’t know what to think about this.
tl;dr My(29F) bf(27M) was invited to a grad ball by his friend(23F). He said no but it turned out he would like to go and now I’m not sure if I should tell him to go ahead.
4 comments
thing is, if your boyfriend isn’t someone who will cheat then he won’t cheat. if he is someone who could cheat, then he might. but I don’t think healthy relationships are built on mistrust and you can’t eliminate the chances of him cheating, with this or any other woman. I’ve travelled with some female friends from college, and my girlfriend has gone to dinner or gotten drinks with male friends of hers. I think norms around these things are changing and as long as you trust your partner, it shouldn’t matter.
You should tell him what you feel, not what you’re supposed to think or whatever. Clearly there’s no one perfect answer. Even he knew that someone else (you) might have a different opinion than he does. It’s actually okay for you to say that you don’t want you boyfriend going to balls with other women. It’s also okay to be fine with that. Keep it real.
It’s perfectly fine if house not comfortable with your boyfriend to going on a basically fancy date with another woman. That’s absolutely reasonable boundary and you can tell your boyfriend you’d prefer he didn’t go. To me things like these don’t have to do with if tou think he’d cheat etc, but with just respect. Some stuff, like fancy ball dates, can be reserved for only your romantic partner.
Nope. If he goes, I’d dump him. Totally inappropriate — especially after you all being together for four years.