Kind of rant / kind of need advice:
I’ve been accused twice by men of being a catfish after meeting me, hanging out for a bit, proceeding to have sex with me, and then by some way or another telling me i’m a catfish / too fat and that they don’t wish to see me again.
I am curvy, and my pictures show me as such. I’m really busty and have thick thighs but my waist gives me an hourglass figure. Although my stomach isn’t big, I have a pouch and it is visible in photos.
I definitely think I am photogenic and I do appear a bit smaller in solo photos, rather than when i’m in group photos. Proportions are the same but when you put me next to a 5’2 110lb girl I look the same but bigger. So I started including more group photos, rather than just solo pics.
And if a guy thought I was a “whale” (direct quote from a text I received) when we met, why would he still beg me for sex?
Is this catfishing or are they just embarrassed that they’re attracted to me?
Edit: I am constantly updating my profiles on the apps because I take a lot of pictures when I go out with friends, at any given time my oldest picture is no more than 6 months old. So it’s not like I have dramatic weight shifts from my photos to meeting IRL
17 comments
You are not a cat fish, they are just assholes.
Or do these guys just get so caught up looking at my chest and hips, that they ignore the pouch and the chubby arms in pictures lol
I don’t think you’re a catfish. But if there’s a way you could add a video to your profile, I think one would help. Tinder had that loop feature back when I used it. Videos do a better job than photos as far as showing one’s natural appearance
These guys sound like malignant assholes. But I am a believer in the idea that if multiple people are saying the same thing, there may be something to it. At the very least it’s worth exploring, as you are doing here.
It’s possible that when you assess your own pics, they feel honest and representative, but that’s not necessarily how they are perceived by other people.
Did you ask them about the topic before it came up? Like bringing up the topic of whether you are as they expected you to be? Or that they do/don’t look like their photos?
Oh my god they sound like total douche bags. They saw you naked before they put their penis in you. If you were “a whale” then they could have kept their dicks in their pants.
I hungout with a dude, had sex with him three times !! And then he “broke up with me” saying I’m bigger than my pictures umm my guy you saw me in person 3 times and naked 3 times. Not sure what he thought
These guys are dickheads. The truth is they were happy to match with you. Happy to go out with you. And happy to sleep with you. But if they let it go any further they realize they have to make you a part of their life (meet friends and family, share photos on socials, etc.). But even though they were attracted to you and enjoyed having sex with you they’re vanity prevented them from taking things to the next step.
It’s either that or they did like you physically but not your personality and rejecting someone on account of their looks is easier for them I guess. Either way, they’re dickheads.
Oh no it appears they are using you to build their self confidence. Stop making yourself so easily accessible.
Video chat before meeting in person
It saves time, money, feelings
You are just as likely to reject them
But the “urge” to “shoot their shot” when they find any reason you are not gf material so they pin it for sex only might be reduced somewhat
It sounds like we are close to the same size and I’ve never had this happen, and I’ve been on a lot of Tinder dates.
I can attribute this to maybe 2 things:
1. I’m 34 and I think older men are less likely to be shitty and judgemental.
2. I have this picture on my profile that everyone tells me to remove. It’s me standing on my knees in front of a full-length mirror in just panties and a t-shirt. I have thicc thighs and that picture shows my “trouble areas.” If a guy sees that picture and is still interested, then I know he’ll be good with my body in real life.
It sounds like the men wanted to gain access to your body with no intentions of long term to begin with. After sleeping with you and then post nut clarity hit, they must of gotten what they originally pursued you for. It’s not your fault and I’m sure you’re a beautiful girl. They are just horrible men so please value yourself more in future. Don’t give disgusting men like that the time or energy. Hope you find someone better soon girly <3
Hate to say it but I once met with a guy hoping to be friends first and although he wasn’t attracted to me he still wanted to have sex with me. I didn’t, but he basically wanted to get it since he put in all that effort to get me to go meet him, which he didn’t put much effort into. I was very blunt about what I wanted and not wanted. So he just thought sheer pressure would get me to cave to have sex with him. I said clear “no” over 40 times and each time he nodded and then one second later grabbed my breast. I wasn’t who I am now because if that were me now I’d call the police on him.
It’s a blessing you dodged the bullet. Those people are the scums of the dating sites.. as in they don’t even ask for sex politely, they think sex is their right
Had this happen to me once. Men who do this are fucking assholes. My best advice – wait before sleeping with guys a little longer. I know it can be hard as a healthy woman with libido, but it’s in our best interests to get to know guys better and find out how shallow they are before getting attached.
I am a size 16 au and have never had this happen. You are running into men who are assholes. I state in my profile I am tall and curvy and have photos with others who are thinner and smaller then me too. I put in Im a slow mover(as genuinely am) and looking for a ltr If that helps at all to filter those looking just for fun x
No not a catfish. But they are total wankers
Unless you are looking for casual sex, always deny men access to your body until they have proven they see you as someone worthwhile that they want to explore a connection with and invest in.
Awe honey I think we all worry about being catfish to a degree. Own your body that’s the hottest thing you can do, and don’t let douche bags like that get under your skin or your amazing body!