Hi all so recently my boyfriend and I have been having some issues, a few weeks ago my trust was broken with him after he lied to me about where he was. Ever since then I can’t get this nagging feeling that he’s hiding something from me but have been working really hard to choose to trust him and fight off that insecurity that he’s hiding something. But something happened the other night that is really bothering me and I would like some objective opinions.
We were sitting on the couch and he showed me something on his phone and I saw a notification of what looked like a woman’s Snapchat with a “❤️” beside it, so acknowledge what I saw and said “I’m not making any assumptions or accusations but it looked like saw a woman’s name with a heart beside it in your notifications” he said it was probably a pornbot from Snapchat but REFUSED to show me it after I asked to see it. I explained that I didn’t think it was an unreasonable request as his girlfriend to just see the notification and he basically said he would rather me break up with him than show me the notification because I should trust his word, but I explained that it would just give me peace of mind and that his reaction was causing me to doubt his word. It seemed off/shady to me but l’m also seeing his side of it, and can understand why that’s an invasion of privacy. Can anyone offer some insight?
UPDATE: I broke up with him after he again refused to show me, and I just found out that he’s been cheating on me the whole time. Well actually he’s been cheating on his girlfriend of 6 years with me. Yes I told her and showed her proof. I seriously dodge a fucking bullet
33 comments
Do you really want to have to police him?
Seems like you’re doing the work to build trust back in him when it’s him that should be doing what he can to get your trust back.
I as a man, would rather show you my Snapchat then break up with you.
That’s the difference of someone hiding something and not hiding something.
No, he’s lying. That is a reasonable request and putting on rose sunglasses will only get you hurt. I’ve been there, got the t-shirt. Don’t devalue yourself. 💌
If you don’t trust him, why are you with him?
He asked for it, give it to him.
Either you get to see his snapchat or he can pack his shit and never come back.
At this point, yes it shady, if taking a few minutes to show you is too much for him than give him his other choice. Let him have his freedom.
If this is his ultimatum than so be it.
You were not going thru his phone, he was there with you. He is hiding something.
If he’s not hiding something, especially after you’ve already dealt with trust issues, then he’s a real hard-headed dude for not showing you something that would absolve him and give you relief.
So, he’s either an incredibly stubborn asshole or he’s engaging in behavior that he knows would hurt you. Neither one of those sounds like someone you should spend too much more time with.
He keeps his phone in DND for anyone else asking and has been closed off with it
He would rather break up than show you the Snap. Say bye bye. You know what is in the Snap and it probably relates to him not being where he was supposed to be. Sorry, but time to find someone trustworthy.
Something like that happened with me and my wife. I added my cousin, who is like 15, who has a heart next to her name. My wife saw it and flipped on the spot, so I gave her my phone and told her to see what it. She saw who was it from and felt bad. What I’m saying is if he wasn’t hiding anything them he would show you, but since he is hiding and not wanting to show you, then yeah, that dude is definitely hiding something he isn’t supposed to be doing
He might have already deleted the message. I would end the relationship. He’s the one caught in a lie, and the burden is on him to gain your trust, not test your love with ultimatums.
An invasion of privacy would be going through his phone while he’s asleep or something. Just happening to see it come through when he’s showing you something, thinking it’s weird, and asking him about it is perfectly reasonable. The only reason he would rather break up than show you is because he’s guilty, in my opinion. I get Snapchat’s from scammers/bots sometimes but none of them ever have a heart by their name. Just FYI.
Update: he just woke up and I took all of your advice and asked him to work with me here and just show me his Snapchat and he refused again, and got up and started getting dressed, he confirmed he’d rather us break up then show me so I told him to leave, he’s packing his things now, he made an attempt to show me after I ended things but I know he deleted shit. Thanks to everyone this sucks but I’m better for it.
Trust is the most important element of any relationship. You dont trust him and he is not willing to prove that you can. My partner has access and passwords to all my devices becuase there is nothing to hide, if they asked I would show them everything. Break up with this goof, hes lying to you.
Let him break up w you
i never ever heard of a porn or before and if that’s a thing snapchat would be in for a world of trouble
If you have nothing to hide, you hide nothing. This guy is shady af. If he would rather break up then show you his phone? Listen to him. Take his advice. He is not steering you wrong.
If that really was it he would have shown you to stop the argument. He didn’t. He doubled down even. Dude must’ve grown up listening to Shaggy lol. “Wasn’t me!”
So break up with him. Looks like he’s cheating.
If you asked to see his phone out of the blue to try and find something when he gave you no reason to not trust him it would be different. He had already lied to you which of course would break your trust. On top of that he got a Snapchat notification from a woman with a heart next to the name. Based on that I think asking is not unreasonable. He has given you reasons to doubt him.
My husband would have no problems showing me if I asked. Him saying he would rather break up then show you is also telling
>have been working really hard to choose to trust him and fight off that insecurity that he’s hiding something
boggles my mind that people will work SO hard to repress extremely logical feelings instead of demanding that their *partner* do all that work to prove their trustworthiness.
Really sorry this happened to you OP. As you say at least you dodged a bullet.
Honestly the biggest red flag for any relationship is when the person refuses to give you their phone or leave it with you.
you dodged a bullet? you’ve been dating this guy for how long? lol you still took that bullet, it just hurts less
I’m sorry you went through that and you were definitely weren’t crossing lines with him by asking. You definitely dodged a bullet as you said but I feel for the gf of 6 years more since she took that bullet to the body (assuming youre relationship with him wasnt as long). As someone who’s been cheated on I can say it takes a long time for that shit to heal
Ayo that edit was not what I was expecting
Definite dodged a bullet though!
well well.
it reminds me of The Matrix’s oracle : “you already made your choice. you are just here to understand it”.
Sorry to hear he is a shit head but great job OP, you did the right thing. Best of luck out there!🫂❤️
DAMN THAT UPDATE THOUGH
>We were sitting on the couch and he showed me something on his phone and I saw a notification of what looked like a woman’s Snapchat with a “❤️” beside it, so acknowledge what I saw and said “I’m not making any assumptions or accusations but it looked like saw a woman’s name with a heart beside it in your notifications” he said it was probably a pornbot from Snapchat but REFUSED to show me it after I asked to see it.
First off, this is the nicest way I’ve ever seen anyone request to see someone else’s phone and considering you’ve already had (completely valid) trust issues with this dude he should have accepted the request. The fact that he flat out refused, given the rest of the context of your post, is suspicious as hell.
>I explained that I didn’t think it was an unreasonable request as his girlfriend to just see the notification and he basically said he would rather me break up with him than show me the notification because I should trust his word, but I explained that it would just give me peace of mind and that his reaction was causing me to doubt his word. It seemed off/shady to me but l’m also seeing his side of it, and can understand why that’s an invasion of privacy. Can anyone offer some insight?
My take is you only get to play the “you should trust me enough to not need to look” card if you’ve been in a relationship for a LONG time and have never had any issues with trust or deception or cheating. For instance, I’ve been married for 10 years without a problem. If something weird popped up on my wife’s phone and for some reason I asked to see it and she said “you should trust me” I’d accept that answer, because I should. Similarly if something weird popped up on my phone, she was curious, and I said “you should trust me” she would accept that answer.
You guys do not have that history. I don’t know how long you’ve been together but you caught him lying to you about where he was just a few **weeks** ago, don’t accept that “you should trust me” bullshit from this guy. The fact that he’s trying that makes me think cheating.
Edit:
>UPDATE: I broke up with him after he again refused to show me, and I just found out that he’s been cheating on me the whole time. Well actually he’s been cheating on his girlfriend of 6 years with me. Yes I told her and showed her proof. I seriously dodge a fucking bullet
Well, saw that one coming. Good for you for taking out the trash as soon as you found out the truth, and for warning his girlfriend. She may not have the backbone to leave him the way you do but at least you made sure she has the information she needs to make an informed decision; what she does with it is up to her.
“You should trust my word” said a couple of weeks after his word was proven to be untrustworthy
Snap is a cheating app basically
I’m sad you went through this, but I’m glad you stood your ground and found out. I hope his girlfriend also shows him the door.
Wow, glad you found out about him. Always trust your gut. It’s right most of the time.