Been dating for 7 months.
Me and my girlfriend have had a rocky couple months and recently she got a new job and she’s been getting distant and asked for a break. At this point I didn’t know she was struggling with her mental health so I was very confused and we agreed to not have a break, however I’m now thinking as much as it would hurt me if it’s what she needs for her mental health I’m ready to go through with it.
I asked her what’s going on and she said her mental health is doing too well and that I’ve done nothing wrong but our relationship might be the reason for her mental health. It’s taking a toll on me but I love her and want to be there for her.
Would appreciate advice on how to help support her
TL:DR
My gf told me she is struggling with her mental health and I don’t know how to support her
12 comments
If she thinks the relationship is the root cause of her issues, then the best choice would be to let her go and assume she won’t be back.
I don’t think you’ve really gotten a clear consent from her that she wants your support. What she did was share something, not ask for something. Are you sure that your motivation isn’t to support her *so that your relationship doesn’t end?* That’s understandable but maybe not what she actually wants.
I support what the other two commenters said 🙂 good luck, you’re kind to want to support her even if that’s ultimately not what she ends up needing from you
Walk away . She doesn’t know what her issue is , she has 0 accountability. Life is too short to be a scapegoat.
I hate to say this, but when a person says she needs a break, most of the time it leads to a break up! Have you asked her what a break means to her? And if it’s in her plans to break up? You should have an honest conversation about this…
Best thing to do if someone wants a break, is to give them one. She will just feel more trapped / pressure. Give her space, tell her you are there for her if needed and go from there.
Couple is a thing of 2, do you want to stay with her but… Does she honestly want to?.
If she does, you both may need professional help together, mental health can be very serious thing and it will affect you both.
I’d suggest questions along these lines… ‘What can I do to support you? Do you know of anything we can do together to help how you’re feeling? Do you want to talk & I just listen? Is there someone else you feel comfortable opening up to?’ Fingers crossed for you both.
Having looked at your other post & your girlfriend offering you an ultimatum so soon (imo 7 months is fast to issue one), my gut is saying she might want to break up. Especially if she’s asked to take a break also. She may be struggling with how you’ll personally deal with the break up/break. If you do go ahead with either, block her, get some fresh air, see friends & family, keep busy & healthy. Cut all contact & drop off eachothers items ASAP. You don’t need to be worrying about these issues early in your relationship. Take care.
Honestly, when someone is struggling with mental health there is nothing you can do but give them space, they dont know why they are having issues, it only hurts them more to pressure them with the question of why. I know it hurts but the best thing you can do for her is give her space. And let them know you are there for them when they need you.
It might be finding the time to keep you happy and build a career at the same time. I was the same, until she finds a balance she will be like this.
Be the person who she was attracted to before you both became exclusive and give her space.
The stress of a new job or big changes at work often cause major distress, big energy losses, or setbacks for someone who struggles with depression. We see this cited almost every day on this subreddit from the person going through it or their partners.
Be sure to ask what she thinks is causing her the .out concern in her life. Even if she says it is her job, remember that most of us can do without a relationship for a while but we absolutely need the income from a job to survive. See if there are things you can do to relieve stress, worry, overwhelm, etc. but only if she wants you to do so. When you ask her again if she wants you to stay together, if she gives you anything less than a clear, confident yes, it is probably best to give her her space, allow her to find a way to be well functioning independently, and support her from afar as a friend. As many have said, remember this is 7 months, not years or in a marriage. If this is something she really struggles with, she has to figure some of this out on her own before she puts any extra responsibilities on a boyfriend or partner or spouse. She will be thankful for the opportunity to do that so she can live her life and whether you know it or not now, you will be too.