I had a sensory overload when I stepped out of the bedroom this morning into the loft where everyone was hanging out. The kids were jumping and playing music, my fiance was on the couch watching something on his phone on high volume, the smell of breakfast crept into my nose.
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Normally, I would greet everyone at first sight, but today I was thrown off. However, as I was observing all of this I locked eyes with my fiance, smiled, waved, and went over to him for a morning kiss. He made a joke to the effect of, “can’t talk? still waking up?”. I nodded as I walked away to go down the stairs to make my coffee. I take one step down and he perks up to repeat himself in an aggressive tone, “Why aren’t you talking?!”. Bewildered and now annoyed I answered, “Because I just got up”. What I really meant to say was, “There are too many things going on right now and I just need a moment to myself”.
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My fiance proceeded to throw a fit via text when I was downstairs saying he’s not in the wrong, that I walked out of the bedroom and didn’t address anyone, that I walk around like my shit don’t stink, that I’m not human (meaning I can’t approach anything without an attitude), to go talk to my therapist, etc etc etc. I went on to explain my sensory overload, how I went to him for a kiss, and questioned why I had to acquiesce to his question about not talking. It was all brushed off as an “excuse”.
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Now I’m left feeling unheard and hurt. I’m having a hard time processing what the next safe steps are to addressing this morning’s tiff. Any insight would be helpful.
TL;DR – My fiance threw a fit when I didn’t say hello to everyone this morning. Claims I’m in the wrong and always have an excuse for my behavior but I think he’s gaslighting me. Thoughts?
6 comments
Does this sensory overload happen frequently?
I’d completely rethink this relationship on his responses alone.
I have extreme introversion and hypersensitivity to stimuli. The situation described made me feel claustrophobic. Having a meaningful conversation in that environment would feel like trying to read a love-poem in a soccer stadium.
Your “partner’s” reaction tells me he doesn’t understand this at all about you. Straighten him out on it or get out of this mess.
Are the kids your kids with him?
Sounds like invalidation, not gas lighting.
I don’t get sensory overload, but I do get social anxiety. My wife doesn’t understand it either. It affects my frequency of work as a freelancer, so it causes problems.
Like, I know it’s a problem, but it’s not as easy as their suggestion to just talk to people… don’t know how to make them understand.
Please don’t marry this man.
When a similar thing happened, I booked in a relationship councillor, just for myself, for him to explain what t he hell was it. It was Monday, the councillor was on Thursday. We broke up on Wednesday, as he just started piling up things out of all proportions.
Like, it’s ok to not talk when you’re out of bed. You may have had a bad dream, or still feeling half asleep, or just morning grumpy. You didn’t take it out on anyone, but your husband’s reaction is over the top