I already shared a post yesterday, which I deleted because it was poorly worded. However, this isn’t a copy of that post. I’ve made up my mind and I want to tell this woman I want her to wait for sex. But I don’t know what excuse I should use.

Long story short: believe it or not, I’m a man who’s considered conventionally very attractive, even random women/men say it. I’ve always liked feeling wanted and pursued, which means I never (well, almost never) put myself in a position where women tell me to wait for sex, I only go for women who make it clear that they desire me, sometimes I even enjoy saying no because I like the feeling of being wanted, I don’t want to be too easy and throw myself at any woman who fancies me. Throwing myself at a woman who doesn’t even want me is not on the cards.

Keep in mind that I don’t live in the US (I’m in Italy), the dating game over here is less scripted than in the US. You’ll hardly ever hear a woman say ”I’m demisexual” or ”I don’t find men attractive unless I have spent a long time around them”. Women are more on the passionate side and less on the calculative one. They see a man they find attractive? They’ll start sending a lot of hints from the get go. If you’re an attractive man, you’ll know it.

I met this woman a few months ago, she told me to wait for sex. Generally, when a woman acts like this, I leave immediately. Even if I do want a serious relationship, I hate the waiting, I don’t see why I should even go on a date with a woman if she doesn’t want to take things further. However, she was different, she would basically say ”I really find you attractive, but I’m not ready to be naked in front of a man I hardly know, I need time, I’m shy”. I respected that. On top of that, she would put in the effort to keep in touch with me every day or every other day, she never made me feel like I was chasing her, quite the opposite.

However, now that she’s ready for sex, I’ve realized I don’t want to get intimate with her yet. I don’t resent her for making me wait, her body her choice, but if I’m a man who enjoys feeling wanted, then I’m not a fan of the fact that men generally let women act like they’re the gatekeepers to sex. If a woman makes me wait for sex, I’m not going to say yes as soon as she decides it’s time to have sex. That makes me feel like she’s in control.

If a woman makes me wait for whatever reason, I’ll respect that, but I’ll make her wait too for a similar amount of time. I’m not playing games and I’m not being petty, I just enjoy feeling wanted and desired, which means that letting women dictate when we should or shouldn’t get intimate doesn’t sit well with me and it turns me off.

I like this woman, I do want a relationship with her, however, I want to make her wait for sex for a similar amount of time. Maybe not 4 months, but 2-3 months would be enough time.

But I don’t find a valid excuse, I’m taking my time to come up with a good excuse, I don’t want to say ”I enjoy feeling wanted, so if you made me wait, it’s your turn to wait”. I’d never found myself in a similar position or situation before, I need an excuse quickly and I’m not sure which excuse I should use.

36 comments

  2. This is just vindictive as fuck. You want to punish her? You already sound like an abusive asshole. What you need is an excuse to go to therapy.

  3. Kinda sounds like you are indeed being extremely petty because someone didn’t throw themselves at your feet like the deservingly handsome sex god you are. Grow up.

  4. See you say you respect her choice in not waiting to way for sex yet you want to punish her for it? Does the word “respect” in Italy mean something different because punishing someone for doing something isn’t respecting their wishes to do so.

    We spoke on your “poorly worded” 1st post, OP. This issue isn’t she not wanting sex. It’s you. You’re the problem here. Please seek help and get out of these spaces who are telling you women gatkeep sex as if you have some right to their bodies or something. The fuck?

  6. But you ARE playing games here. She clearly already interested and attracted to you, she was just going at her own pace (if you were fine with that then there’s no need to make her wait just because you CHOSE to respect her wanting to wait).

    the reason you need an “excuse” is because you don’t want to tell her the real reason, which should tell you that maybe the real reason isn’t that great.

  7. Maybe just do her a favor and break it off. no matter how many times you say you’re not doing it to be petty, you’re still being petty lol. Poor girl. If you’re set on making it work then you need to learn some communication skills ASAP. Talk to her, let her know you have a desire to be wanted and maybe together you can find a way where you feel wanted without it having to have anything to do with sex. Honestly right now you just sound like a dick.

  8. What a child, grow the fuck up. Your post screams you aren’t mature enough for a relationship.

  11. Just say you want to take it slow…Nothing wrong with that. Also this is odd to read considering I hear Italian women like to wait awhile for sex and are pretty old school.

  12. I’m not even reading this because this is still poorly worded and you’re acting like a child. Tit for tat . Seriously grow up

  13. Have you stopped to think why she might want to wait to be intimate and that it could mean she is actually interested in getting to know you more before sex and that it’s respectful of her to be up front about this? For women, we carry a lot more than just “deciding to have sex.” Sex can carry with it risk of pregnancy not to mention the emotions that come after sex and she might not be ready and she may have been burned in the past by having sex too soon.

    Honestly it sounds like you’re more interested in a tit for tat situation than empathizing with this woman you’re interested in.

  14. You sound like you’ve got control issues and should just leave her alone honestly

  15. This whole post is all about you and what YOU want. You’re not interested in how she feels at all.

  16. So you want to play games and waste her time. Grow up.

    She didn’t want to have sex with a stranger big freaking deal.

  17. Gross. Super gross. You are gross.
    Oh and probably a narcissist.
    Stop using others to feed your pathetic excuse of an ego.

  18. Haven’t you already posted this yesterday? Regardless, this is still immature and petty and clearly shows that for you intimacy is not about intimacy, it’s about power and control, which is not healthy.

  20. Looks like someone is seeking approval from others just to make his idea feel valid.

  21. The comments are not it. Saying “im ready” and doing nothing to initiate is like saying all right lets just get it over with. Why doesnt anybody understand that we men also need to feel wanted to be in the mood to have sex.

  23. Why not tell her the truth, that because she “made you wait” your ego now needs to be reassured by her having to wait so you will feel wanted?

  26. this…is so stupid lol. I hope this is fake. If it’s not you sound really delusional.

    You’re playing games and you have a really big ego. I would suggest just break it off. This sounds like a relationship where you’re trying to go tit for tat over an innocent statement.

  31. Mr. Godly-looks clearly needs therapy. Just because you say you aren’t petty and vindictive doesn’t make it true. You have the maturity of a 4 y/o kindergartener.

  32. Poorly worded still but I get what you’re trying to say. Just make her some pasta and have a chill night together. If she makes any advances, then just say you want to wait a little longer and just enjoy what you already have together at the moment before taking the next step, that you don’t want to rush into things and her to just become another number. Because that’s what happens. People rush into things and good relationships just fizzle out.

  34. Coming back to reword how you want to weaponize sex and punish her. Just date someone else.

  35. She wasn’t gatekeeping sex. She was getting to know you first.

    You’re extremely immature. Wanting to wait the same amount of time as she made you wait was the icing on top of your narcissistic cake.

    But just to be clear just because she’s ready doesn’t mean you have to do anything. But you should be open to the right moment.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like