I just recently moved in with two friends from my program in university, and everything has been going wonderfully! They’ve both been super appreciative about all the work I put into our apartment, and just being a good roommate, which is lovely to hear. I’m a pretty anxious gal, so I’m always putting absolutely all my effort into keeping this great roommate reputation going, since they are my friends, but also because I really don’t want them to be irritated or disappointed with me.
I recently had a friend (wink wink nudge nudge) over, and I gave both of my roommates a heads up a week before he came over, since I figured giving as much notice as possible is just the polite thing to do. He came over, we had fun, and my roommates both haven’t said anything about hearing certain activities, and we all are just chatting and giggling lightheartedly about me seeing someone, as I haven’t really been putting myself out there at all for the past while. No one seems bothered, everything seems great, but I just can’t shake this embarrassment off of me!!
Our apartment is crazy tiny, it’s just the upstairs floor of a townhouse, and our rooms are all rather close together. Our walls are painfully thin, so you can almost always hear people moving around and talking, (not necessarily specific words, but you can make out the jist of a conversation fairly easily if it’s spoken at a normal volume). Knowing this just makes me feel so… guilty?? I guess? Because although my friend and I were as quiet as possible, and I turned my fan on, it’s probably inevitable some movement was heard. I know it’s my house too, I’m an adult and I can do whatever I want, but I just don’t want them to be irked whenever he comes over.
I guess I’m wondering if there are any tips or some advice that could help me feel a bit less stressed out about this situation? I know it seems a bit over the top, I just feel a little anxious about it all! Thank you all in advance (:
9 comments
You sound like a nice person. You warned your roommate. If they would have a problem with it they could have left or wear headphones or whatever
Put on music, it will be practically impossible to hear you. For bed noises throw the mattress on the floor. Moan into pillows. Your welcome!
As long as you’re actively being considerate it won’t be an issue.
Even if they did hear you, they already know what you’re (likely) to do behind closed doors.
Personally it didn’t bother me when my roommate brought his friend over and I’d hear them moan through the walls sometimes. Would be a different story if it was obnoxiously loud, during my sleep time, or if she was there 7 days a week, but 2-3 days was fine.
(Edit: 7 days a week would not have been necessarily a problem but that’s something that would have needed to be discussed beforehand, perhaps chipping in for rent too.)
If they are your age, they have most likely had sex when someone could hear them. They don’t sound like aholes and unless they don’t straight up complain, I doubt that it bothers them. You mentioned that they only giggled, so you’re most likely fine and they are probably happy for you. Sex is a natural thing and when you have flatmates at uni, you kind of expect that you will eventually hear someone.
I scheduled extracurricular activities with my former fwb while my roommate wasn’t home made sure he knew he could come over. He didn’t always take me up on it and had his own life that wasn’t compatible with mine. Sounds like your a great roommate.
It’s okay for you to have a sex life. It’s okay to.make.noise. music is great.for.mood and covering any sounds you may be embarrassed about. Or to help you feel more private
Wink wink nudge nudge lol you’re so cute
It’s one of the by-products of sharing a house. Reasonable people will just ride over it (and will be privately cheering you on). If you’re a decent housemate, then decent people will go out of their way to not make it a problem.
If you want a perspective, look for the book *He Died with a Felafel in his Hand* (avoid the miserable movie). Notice that, amidst all the mess, people are having fun.
I live in an apartment with downstairs neighbors whom I ran into when we moved in, and i introduced myself and my husband. About a week later it was National orgasm day, and I had a few funny conversations with the downstairs neighbor about it, and as a joke, I bought her ear plugs and some cheap alcohol shots. We laughed it off and I was able to partake in the holiday stress free. It’s all about your attitude for the situation and willingness to consider others ☺️ have fun!