I started dating someone who I feel more compatible with than anyone else I’ve ever had the chance to date – at least in hobbies and life goals. We’re both ambitious, nerdy, and focused on building our creative businesses at markets and festivals. There’s definitely a few things that we’re not compatible on but I feel we could mostly work through those, except for the pseudoscience that comes up at least once or twice a hangout.
I’m a scientist who is also spiritual, so I want to give space for her beliefs, but hearing things that are purely based on misinformation and can be easily proven wrong makes me lose interest really fast. On the other hand, this is the first person in years who I could otherwise imagine things being pretty good with, and she’s really into me. I know that no relationship is perfect, but I wonder how important people place intellectual compatibility in that?
2 comments
Her believing in pseudoscience doesn’t make her less smart than anyone else, you might seriously regret leaving her over such a small thing. I would find it endearing. Loving your partner also means accepting their flaws. But if it is something that really bothers you, try to think about it in 20 years, would you start despising her in the long run for that? You can also try having a light conversation about it. I also think that since you’re compatibile you’re more similar than you think.
Also it’s not a matter if she is into you, but also a matter of are you into her? you shouldn’t be with someone just because they like you, that would be using them for an ego boost.
Depends, if negatively influences your opinion of her to the point you don’t respect her, then it’s a dealbreaker. If it just makes you roll your eyes and tune your hearing out for a while, then it’s probably not a big deal.
I’m guessing you might be in the first camp if you’re making this post. This is the sort of thing you’ll grow to resent once the relationship hits a rough patch/stale point/etc. It’ll be the first thing that becomes an outlet for those feelings.
That said, while I would say being smart is among my top qualities generally speaking, my opinion is that intelligence doesn’t really count for much when it comes to a romantic relationship. You have to answer what you want out of that relationship. If you ask for everything, you’ll have a hard time finding anything. Maybe that person exists. Maybe you can find them. Like the lotto, that’s at least statistically possible. But unlikely.
Here’s the thing, even if intellectual fulfillment is important for your overall well-being and happiness, does that HAVE to come from a romantic relationship? I don’t think so. That’s what friends are for. Same with interests. While I would argue having some similar likes and such is important, you don’t need them to run the gamut. That’s what friends are for.
One last thing, if the intelligence gap is such that the two people can’t even agree on basic rational/irrational arguments or statements, then that will be a deal breaker. Communication is key, and if one of those parties simply can’t understand where the other person is coming from when it comes to basic rationality, then I don’t see them even getting along long term.