When dating a new person, I have discovered that I tend to develop feelings in a slower pace than most people I have dated. That does not necessarily mean I am in doubt or uninterested. I just like to take my time I suppose. I am also slow I guess in terms of opening up about difficult topics, but always makes sure to tell the other person that it isn’t about them and that I will tell them about x and x difficult topic in the future. I have tried to communicate to my best ability being more expressive about the feelings I have for them verbally and physically than what is natural to me, and say that even though I can seem distant (I have been told this in the past) I am interested. I know it is hard the other way around, being the one who falls first can be very vulnerable. But how do I navigate being the slower one? Some experience something similar? I don’t want to lie to the other person, I also don’t want to push myself as I tend to shut down completely then. I want to take care of them and myself. I was just dumped by I guy (M31) who claimed to be in love with me because I was “too slow”, he “didn’t know if his feelings were reciprocated” (he didn’t ask though) and I was “too closed off”. I want to avoid that because I really did like him (and told him so, yet maybe too late). I feel so guilty seeing a person who I see is falling in love and sometimes doing so much for me, where as I am not always at the same “stage” as them the first couple of weeks/months
TL;DR! How do I navigate the first couple of weeks/months of dating when being slow to develop feelings without being dumped for being “too slow/uninterested”?
3 comments
Just be intentional with conversation and flirting/interest.
Just wanna remind you I’m thinking about you
Goodmorning handsome, have a great day.
I think it’s fine to move at your own pace but like with anything else in relationships, healthy communication is key. Even if you’re not falling quickly for someone, I would encourage you to still share with them how you’re feeling.
“I want to take this slowly but it doesn’t mean I don’t like you. I’m happy with where we’re headed!”
“I really enjoy spending time with you and I’m looking forward to our next date.”
“Hey! I was just thinking about you and I hope you’re having a great day.”
Stuff like that. It doesn’t cost you anything, and you don’t have to do it constantly, but it makes the person you’re seeing feel more secure, especially at the beginning stages of a relationship when everyone is figuring each other out.
Obviously don’t force it – you have to honor how you’re feeling. But being a bit more expressive and communicative will help the other person know that you do like them.
I think you need to get out of your comfort zone. I understand wanting to stay true to yourself, but if you’re acting uninterested and refusing to talk about certain things with them, you will drive even more people away.
Like you say, people develop feelings at different rates. I’ve been the one who falls first, and I recognised that, and the fact my partner wasn’t there yet. That didn’t faze me. But if they were to act uninterested and shut off, I wouldn’t have given them any more of my time.