I(27F) have been with my husband(29m) for almost 2 years married, and together for 9.
He brought on divorce so he could grow and become a better person. To have time and space.
It’s been a few weeks since this was brought up, and I’m just wondering when the physical pain and heartache goes away? I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. He’s moved out now. But having nothing in our home with him is shredding me.
Not talking to him is wrecking me absolutely down to the core.
I love this man with my entirety.
How do I heal?
7 comments
Ultimately takes time but what helped me speed it up the most is going to divorce support groups
i suppose other forms of therapy could work too
He said to grow and become better? I don’t buy that excuse.
For you, it’s time. Time to heal, time to move on, time to find a new path. And acceptance of the reality that you have. He’s hurt you and that’s so painful. But you have no choice but to pick up and leave him behind.
I’m so sorry.
Is he asking for divorce because you asked him to be poly/open up your Marriage from prior posts? He fell in love with someone else? Is this correct? If that is the reason than he realizes you are both not compatible. There are lots of stories here on Reddit discussing this same exact scenario and the spouse/partner asking for divorce. Maybe you take a step back and maybe you don’t. Maybe you both end up in Marriage Counseling before actually filing.
Time heals but you can also take some proactive steps to help heal yourself.
Go out. Make new single friends. Keep yourself busy. Go to the gym. Lift weights, gain strength. Work on yourself. Visit family. Do things you have always wanted to try. Go for a hike or walk. Surround yourself with friends. Join meet up groups if you don;t have a lot of friends- lots of people going through a divorce in those groups and they can help support you. Keep busy and do not sit at home all day. Do not sit on the computer or phone all day. We are social creatures and need real people in person when we are hurting.
I’m sorry, but if my wife brought it up that they wanted a open relationship, I would divorce her. I think this is what you’re getting and for most people they want to be monogamous. If your spouse brings it up, there’s no way that deck relationship can continue.
You wanted to go poly. Is that right? It wasn’t him, right?
Just for the context.
If so, he is not into it. He might or might not have found someone else. Anyway he can’t cope with the fact that you seek outside validation. You just come to the point to realise that there are always the SO and that this game works both ways.
Take this lesson.
For your issues: counselling should help. In the end it’s just a marriage. For poly people shouldn’t be that much of a problem.
Just wanted to note that we both wanted poly, and continue to want poly.