I (25) met this guy (27) at work. We met a few times outside of work without any expectations. He has a busy life and doesn’t have much time to meet, but he always keeps proposing to meet and then we have dinner/drinks and he pays for it. I get along with him really really well. We have a very good connection. I told him the first time we met that I wasn’t looking for anything, and he told me the same so I thought we were meeting as friends since it doesn’t seem as if he wants just sex or anything. But I did start to like him and I started to feel that I would maybe like to date him, but since he said that he wasn’t looking for anything I decided that it would be best to just keep seeing eachother as friends for the time being. Each time we met, he started to act more close. Then he started to call it ‘dates’. I didn’t say anything to it because I didn’t know how to feel about it. Last time I saw him, he suddenly started asking if we were dating. I didn’t reply to it because I didn’t know what to say. Then he asked me again if we were dating, and he said: Are we dating? I hope we’re not because I’m so bad at dating and I don’t want you to think that I don’t like you because I really like you a lot, you’re really beautiful and smart and … (he gave an entire list of compliments). To which I replied: no, we’re not dating. Because I thought he didn’t want to date and I just wanted to keep things the way they were. But since then he started to avoid me so I started to think about what could be wrong.
Afterwards I talked about it to my friends, and they said that I rejected him. That he was carefully trying to see if we could date and that I rejected him. But he was so unclear, he said ‘I hope we’re not dating because …’ which I interpreted as that he doesn’t want to.
Now I’m scared I rejected him without realizing. What am I supposed to do, because I’d be ok to try dating him if he’s open to that as well. But I’m also ok to just be friends if he doesn’t want to date. I just have no idea what the things he said mean.
Can anyone help me out please?
TL;DR
I think I accidentally rejected someone because he was really vague when he talked about dating. I just want to know if I accidentally rejected him, because since then he’s been avoiding me. And what to do in case I misunderstood
2 comments
Tell him how much you value your time together and how much you miss him lately.
ask him how he’s doing and what you can do to support him.
His current behavior could be his reaction to your conversation or it could be something else.
you could also let him know if the dating comes up that your answer was based on the fact that he said he didn’t want to date and you wanted to honor that. if you’re comfortable and it feels right, you can also let him know if he wants to revisit his stated stance that you’re open to going on a date with him.
I did the same thing where I was hanging out with a friend and they mentioned something about a date and I totally thought they were joking and I don’t date. I didn’t handle it well either at the time. I had to backtrack and have the conversation with him about it because I could tell I hurt his feelings. Two years later we’re engaged to be married.
you want someone you can be open, honest and vulnerable with in your life. Someone who makes you better and lifts you rather than brings you down. i learned not to settle for less than that.
It sounds like he was saying he would be dating you, but the only reason he isn’t is because he thinks he’s bad at it. He was probably hoping you would say something like “well we’re not dating, but I would be open to it if you’d like to try.” If you’re interested in him like that, call him up and invite him out for drinks and talk about how you may have misinterpreted the last conversation and see how he’s feeling about giving dating a try.