She lost her spark but I want her back.
I’m (M, 26) she’s (F, 28). We were dating for almost to a year. We were one month shy of a year. Our relationship started off very strong. The first date I immediately felt the spark and we just took off. It only took us three months till we decided to move in together. (I know it was pretty fast, but we were already looking at moving out of our parents houses, so plans kinda fell together.) We found a amazing location to rent as it was only 2 minutes from her brothers, so least we had family close.
We were inseparable. We did everything together. It wasn’t because we were afraid of leaving the other person behind or felt guilty for not bringing them, we just loved spending time together. She worked two jobs, and I worked long hours at my job. So when we got home we spent our evenings together on the couch playing games, watching shows, cuddling and enjoying each other company. I thought every thing was going great. I even bought a promise ring 6 months in. I never did that in any of my previous relationships, because I never had someone love me the way that she loved me.
But unfortunately I just found out that she started to have these thoughts about 5 months ago. She started to think of the future and how it was scary. She previously got out of a 7 year relationship with her ex who was never really there for her. They made it through college and a little after but they never lived together full time. Only on weekends and summers. Our relationship was something new to her and I. We loved together 24/7. I never was in a long relationship or having this type of love with someone. My student loans debt has never gave me the opportunity of moving out on my own. There were days were we would do different things but never the full days. She was worried that she would lose the spark in our relationship because we didn’t leave each other. (Her parents were also divorced and her mom past so she had doubts on how a relationship would work. My parents have been together for 30+ years and they have done amazing things together. )
Well here is where I need some advice. Back in January she came to me and told me that the spark she felt was starting to dim. She said that we shouldn’t lose the honeymoon phase. I thought that was crazy, as my feelings never changed but I thought we were comfortable that’s why she was having these thoughts. So we tried to do more date nights, start doing more dates and activities. I thought things were becoming stronger than ever. Well then last Saturday came. I had a I’ll feeling that morning when I left the house to go get groceries, something just felt off with her. I came back and sure enough she was crying and told me to sit down. She told me the spark has been burning low and that she didn’t know why. That maybe we try time apart and see where things went. We were both devastated. So I packed up all my things, and moved to back to my parents hoping it was temporary. We decided that we would still call each other every day and talk about our days and how she was feeling about herself and us. We even hangout out on Wednesday, it was amazing, I felt the spark that night and we did things together like nothing happened.
Well Friday came along and she was so sad. Because she was so afraid to lose me but she was scared of keeping it going but having to live with the thoughts and emotions. Now we have broken up. I’ve watched the person I gave my all too break down and cry because she doesn’t know herself. I want to be there and help her with finding herself but she wanted me to find myself. We are still going to stay as friends as I don’t have many friends in the area and she doesn’t either. We still say I love you and talk constantly. Do you think there is away down the road for us to rekindle the love we had or is it time for me to focus on me and see what paths fall for me? Is there any advice or tips on how to improve our friendship back into a relationship or should we just stay as friends?
TL;DR: my girlfriend and I broke up because she said she lost her spark. Anyway of finding that and getting back together?
2 comments
I hate to say it but if you love her let her go, she may come back or she may not. Plenty of fish in the sea though
If she has lost romantic feelings for you then it’s hard to say if they may return but it’s unlikely. And if you still have romantic feelings for her it’s best that you don’t continue a close friendship with her, rather give yourself the space and time to process and heal from you breakup and to eventually move on.