My boyfriend (M 28) thought I (F 25) was overreacting when I told him it was hurting.

10 comments

1. You are not overreacting. That was terrifying and a huge red flag. You know him beyond this incident, but from this one incident, he sounds abusive.

2. I dont think I’d be able to be with someone who could know I was in pain, know they’re hurting me and yet still be aroused enough to try to keep fucking me.

3. It is normal to feel that way, start establishing some boundaries considering your sex life. Talk to him,and tell him you didn’t like the way he treated you even if he apologized afterwards.

   Also, why did it just you so much? I mean, has that happened before, was it something he did? If you dont have the answer maybe talk to your gynecologist

4. >Then after 3rd or 4th time when I said the same thing he said that I was kinda “feeling it too much” (like just focusing on pain).

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   Can you ask him to explain what does it mean that “you’re feeling it too much”? Like, humans should be capable to just switch off the pain? Ask him how. If he didn’t mean it “like that”, then what did he mean.

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   And why did you star 4 times after stopping because of pain – did you insist on starting again or did he? If it was him then it is a red flag. I can’t imagine putting sexual release over consideration for someone who is in pain – and who communicates it *four times*.

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   Edit – checked your post history. Is this even real? 5 months ago you wrote this:
   “I (F24) dated this guy (27) for 4 months only and then he broke up with me saying that he didn’t see a future with me. He just used me and left me when he was done. Despite this I have not been able to move on idk why. Its been a year and a half now.”

   “I even tried talking to other guys, like tried to going on dates etc but even that didn’t work.”

5. This happens to me too sometimes, but I have cysts on my uterus that like to act up during sex at times.

   He should have stopped the first time and left it alone. He was putting his needs above your comfort and that’s not okay.

6. I might be wrong here but it sounds like overall he was trying to be helpful and respect your boundaries. He wasn’t like “come on just go with it” he was actively asking you if you were okay and stopping. I see his comment as him trying to provide a solution to your pain, not dismissing it.

7. When he said you were ‘feeling it too much’ was he still going, after you’d said it hurt?

   When you say ‘that hurts’ and it clearly implies ‘stop’ and he keeps going, that’s rape.

   Either way, someone you love was causing you pain in a sensitive and extremely vulnerable spot. You weren’t wrong to cry. He was being awful.

   He seems very careful now so it could be a one-off, but he could also be making you feel bad for having boundaries, or he could regret it but not enough to keep to ‘don’t do this’ long-term. It’s really, really concerning that his response to you being in pain was to try to convince you to let him keep hurting you in the most vulnerable part of your body so he could get some pleasure.

8. You had to cry to show him how serious this was which is quite sad. He’s immature for his age. Obviously he apologized and was gentle the 2nd time because he doesn’t want to lose you but he also showed his true self when he said you were overreacting about your own pain. Not the kind of reaction a women wants to hear from her partner.

9. I know this isn’t what you’re asking advice about, but it was my first thought. Have you changed your hormonal birth control lately? I never had issues with pain during sex, but I did while on the depo shot. Maybe consider something medical.

   In terms of the boyfriend – it’s definitely not great that he minimized your pain.

10. If you are ovulating the position you were in may have been the issue. Also find out if your cervix is tipped. You both can work around this.