So let me explain, because I really need advice. I (F21) have liked a guy from my university class for 2 months now, but the occasions to strike a conversation with him were rare and even when there were some, I have to admit that I was too shy to randomly go up to him. I did do it a few times and interacted with him, only shortly, but at least he knows I exist and he has been friendly with me.
Sadly the semester is now coming to an end, and I have heard from some other people, that this guy might not continue the studies next semester. And this made me really disappointed, firstly in myself because I feel like I could have done more to get closer to him, but also because now I won‘t be sure if I ever see him again, and if I do it will only be in two months after spring break.
So I have been debating on using my last chance, which is texting him. The thing is, I am a shy girl with very little confidence and I don‘t know if I have what it takes to confidently lead a conversation, and I don‘t know even less how I am supposed to make my romantic intentions known haha. I guess that I‘m also scared of coming off weird and pushy. Yes it is a lot of overthinking and for this reason I am wondering if I should just abandon. But at the same time I‘m sick of just living my life in fear and letting every opportunity pass by.
Any wise words would be appreciated :‘)
4 comments
Find common ground or interests that you know you can build conversation with (you went to the same class so that should be something). You should take the risk. You only grow more as a person with experience.
If he doesn’t come back and things don’t work out well atleast you didn’t let it go and you tried! That you should commend yourself on.
I don’t see a bad outcome to trying
Think of how exciting it will be!
Copy pasta from one of my earlier responses:
As far as conversation starters there is the FORD method (family, occupation, recreation, dreams). More info at the link and be sure to be ready to contribute your own answers.
https://socialself.com/blog/ford-method/
There is also the match +1 method, which is more about building long term friendships and relationships. Be sure to look at the worksheet in the description for the different levels of what kinds of things to reveal.
https://youtu.be/WyKFHd7cSaU
As far as flirting goes, what is he like? Everyone is different and guys are bad at taking hints sometimes. Also, think of flirting as validation that the person is attractive, funny, smart, etc. Complimenting their outfit, hair, or an accessory (a choice they made) is a good starting point.
Here’s a cute video with some tips: https://youtu.be/8mzOX2pnRuA
To battle nerves, talk to a few guys you haven’t talked to before that you’re somewhat interested in. Start with simple asks like “what time is it”, “I like your shoes, where did you get them?”. When you get the awkward feelings remember that they eventually pass and you can relax.
Good luck and feel free to ask questions
Either that or live a life knowing you may have found happiness but didn’t bother even trying.
You are not only overthinking it, but also putting too much importance on talking to him. You don’t even know if you really like him, because the impression you have of a person can change quickly once you get to know them better, even within the first conversation sometimes.
So view talking to him as an opportunity to find out if you even like talking to him. And then use the conversation to open up other opportunities to get to know him. Like agreeing on having lunch in the cafeteria together some time or something like that. Or doing some home task from your studies together.