My daughter and her friend are both 15. She is coming over today after school to avoid her parents. Any pointers on how to handle this situation? I learned the parents are here illegally and could get deported. Not sure what their daughter wants so I have to hear her out, but it seems reporting to the police could have some very harsh consequences… also, she wants to stay with us a few nights. I never met her either, only saw her on FaceTime once when my daughter introduced us.

Update: things escalated about an hour ago when my daughter called me saying her dad and brother were knocking on the door. Turns out they found out where she was because my her (my daughters friend) boyfriend told her mom where she is, because the mom told her daughters boyfriend she was worried so he gave up the info. Anyways, I immediately asked for the parents phone numbers. I also learned at this time that the dad punched her in the face and knocked her down which makes me even angrier so right now I’m fully pushed off. I called and texted the dad after they came for her and left. My daughter didn’t open the door because she was scared and her mom texted my daughter saying she knows she’s over here. Seems creepy, but she said to my daughter that I don’t want you to have problems because the police are looking for her. So I’m driving to try to get home dealing with a situation remotely unfortunately… I wanted, needed to be here and left work early but not early enough apparently. I didn’t think they’d find out where she was so soon. So I was able to get ahold of the mom, texted and called the dad but he didn’t answer because apparently he is a “little bitch”, I see and didn’t want to talk to me. When I called the mom I heard in the background the police, so I told her she was over at my house and sage but my daughter didn’t answer the door because she’s scared. I had to tell her that I’d let my daughter open the door so they could pick up her daughter.

My hands were tied, I was on the road, and told my daughter they’re coming with the police so you’re going to have to let her go back with her parents. The second time her parents came to my house pretty quickly, her dad showed up and I was on the phone with my daughter the whole time. Instead of going out the front door, I told her friend to just go out the back when they come and go around the yard to meet her dad in tue front, which she did, and that I’d call CPS – and make a police report for her and told her we expect to see her in school tomorrow or there will be some more calls with the police and I don’t know why else I’d do, maybe visit myself. Anyways, I’m here waiting for the police to show up to file a report

23 comments

  1. Ask them what happens to child abusers in their country when they get deported?

  2. Call CPS and ask for advice on how to proceed.

    Call the school counselor and ask for advice on how to proceed.

    You need to cover your own ass here too.

  4. well first of all – that’s child abuse – to be taken seriously. Secondly, thank you for providing a safe haven for her (very important).

    What city are you in? I wonder if there are services for families.

    A quick look at this: http://centerforchildwelfare.org/kb/cultcomp/CultComp-UndocChildren.pdf

    shows that there are protections for undocumented children.

    I would hope that connecting with a family services worker would help.

    I think that in this case, family reunification is not something that would be in her best interests. Unfortunately, because of abuse and the natural attachment of children to their parents, this child may jeopardize her safety.

    I believe this could be an option: Special Immigrant Juvenile Status (SIJS)
    An undocumented child who is unable to reunify with one or both parents can be granted Special Immigrant Juvenile Status (SIJS) and become immediately eligible to file for permanent residency in the U.S.

  5. No advice other than making sure the two of them sleep separately in different rooms. There’s a great chance there’s something your daughter isn’t ready to tell you yet.

    At any rate, treat it like a boy is sleeping over.

  7. You start one thing at a time. Right now, your daughter’s friend is coming over.

    Take a look at her. See if there’s bruising or other marks on her to show trauma. Ask how she is. Ask what happened. Get the full story (or as much as a 15 year old will give you.)

    Then, with this information make a decision. Let her stay the evening so you can sleep on it. Take what the child wants into consideration. But remember that she’s 15 and probably both angry and scared.

    Was the daughter born in America? If so, there are extra protections there that the parents don’t have. See if there’s a lawyer that works pro-bono for abused children in your area. Many cities have them. Get some free advice.

    When the school councilor is available, they’re also a good resource, but remember that they are legally bound to report child abuse. So be careful.

  8. First thing first, your daughter’s friend was attacked. Do what you’d want somebody to do for your daughter if she was in a scary situation. Make sure she knows she’s safe in your house. See what she needs. Is it possible she needs medical attention? Does she just need an adult to talk to about the situation? Has she had access to food? Is she hungry? Any food preferences or dietary restrictions? Does she need any essentials (clothes, toiletries, etc.)?

    Then, talk to her, and figure out what she wants to do. Also, find out what her immigration status is. Is she a citizen? If not, is she considered here legally? If she isn’t a citizen and you’re concerned about her rights, you may want to contact an organization focused on that (idk who is local to you, but my first thought is the ACLU).

    There’s way too much information needed to give more advice than that. You need a better understanding of the situation.

  9. Get her medical attention and have it documented. Call the police and make a report. Call DCF and report it. That way you can make sure it doesn’t happen to her again.

  10. Here’s my advice: Offer compassion to the child and then get advice from professionals in sorting out the situation. You don’t know what you are doing and this is a complicated situation that is above Reddit’s pay grade. The child is being abused and there are legal ramifications to getting the police involved. Consult with someone who knows the laws in your state before you call the police, who may just make things worse.

  11. Thats kind of you for having her stay where it’s safe for now. Talk to her and listen to what she says and ask her what she feels would be the next right thing to do.

  14. I’m not a parent but I’ve brought home multiple friends in need my mom always just let them in and treated them like family after a while when they opened up she listened and offered whatever help she could -she was literally ready to adopt my friend who was being mistreated by her family ultimately the friend decided to go back to her family but my mom made sure she knew she had a place to stay. That’s not much help I know but just being there and accepting the friend for who they are is probably what they need most

  21. If she lets you, pls take photos of the bruising.

    Call RAINN for more advice.

    Thank you for trying to help her.

  23. Just wanted say your a good person.

    It can be scary, confusing, a legal mess, and involves a lot of crap with the abuser and such.

    You’re doing best you can with the position you have. And you’re starting a process to try to protect and help her.

    Good luck and thanks

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